The other day, I was thinking about my favorite Padre memories. They often have to do with the absurd, things we really have no right holding on to, let alone carrying as fond memories. When the Padres left Channel 4 San Diego, they not only left behind a completely substandard presentation…they left behind the great (and by great, I mean AWFUL. So awful, they’re great.) local ads. Not that FSSD doesn’t air local commercials, they just don’t make you feel like you’re watching KUSI or XETV Channel Six-a-rooni circa 1988. Some of the ads featured Padres players, many did not. What they all did was find a place in our hearts.
Pacific Law Center/Kerry Steigerwalt’s Pacific Law Center
“When I was accused of a DUI…I didn’t know what to do!” Ah, yes, club kid with spiked hair, you were in trouble. No money down? Not a problem. Before Aramco was around to make you grind your teeth, there was Pacific Law Center. The ads generally consisted of a lawyer who looked straight out of a casting call for “shady lawyer” and then what came off as a client equivalent of a hostage video. It seemed shady, and it sounds like it was shady. KUSI’s go-to lawyer, Kerry Steigerwalt, took over the practice to “clean things up”. In that picture, you can see he wore suspenders and had books. You should trust books and suspenders…except they’re out of business now. Because they were shady.
HIGHLIGHT MOMENT: Watching a Padres game and seeing that the star of the latest Pacific Law Center ad is one of your old high school teachers*.
Joe’s Credit Furniture
Thazzzzright! Joe’s commercials were bizarre in that…they weren’t really that bizarre. They had low production values, sure. And Joe not only looked like a character, but he even had a catch phrase! It’s almost like they wanted to go the “wacky local commercial” route (benchmark? Crazy Gideon), but couldn’t commit. Another thing that throws me through a loop: Joe died in 2003. I could swear these commercials aired in the Petco Park era. Were we getting “thazzzzzright”s from beyond the grave? Spooky things to consider around Hallowe’en.
Corky’s Pest Control
That’s it. That’s all you need. Aki’s the best, man.
Oh, Boot World. Really, this piece is a thinly veiled attempt to get one last look at the Ryan Klesko Boot World ad. I’ve scoured the internet, and I just can’t find the video. Not even a screen grab. Nothing. After lulling you into a sense of security, the commercial’s coup de grâce was an amazing, public access-worthy chroma key where Ryan Klesko implored you to take a trip down to Boot World and tell them he sent you.
Except…well, I’m not going to accuse anyone of anything(maybe he hadn’t slept in three days, I don’t know)…but here’s best approximation I could come up with for how Klesko looked in the ad:
Do you have great memories of the awful ads Channel 4 aired? Share them in the comments section!
* – True story.
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