Ruining Boot World’s Picnic? Thazzzzright!

The other day, I was thinking about my favorite Padre memories. They often have to do with the absurd, things we really have no right holding on to, let alone carrying as fond memories. When the Padres left Channel 4 San Diego, they not only left behind a completely substandard presentation…they left behind the great (and by great, I mean AWFUL. So awful, they’re great.) local ads. Not that FSSD doesn’t air local commercials, they just don’t make you feel like you’re watching KUSI or XETV Channel Six-a-rooni circa 1988. Some of the ads featured Padres players, many did not. What they all did was find a place in our hearts.

Pacific Law Center/Kerry Steigerwalt’s Pacific Law Center

pacificlawcenterdui

“When I was accused of a DUI…I didn’t know what to do!” Ah, yes, club kid with spiked hair, you were in trouble. No money down? Not a problem. Before Aramco was around to make you grind your teeth, there was Pacific Law Center. The ads generally consisted of a lawyer who looked straight out of a casting call for “shady lawyer” and then what came off as a client equivalent of a hostage video. It seemed shady, and it sounds like it was shady. KUSI’s go-to lawyer, Kerry Steigerwalt, took over the practice to “clean things up”. In that picture, you can see he wore suspenders and had books. You should trust books and suspenders…except they’re out of business now. Because they were shady.

HIGHLIGHT MOMENT: Watching a Padres game and seeing that the star of the latest Pacific Law Center ad is one of your old high school teachers*.

Joe’s Credit Furniture

Thazzzzright! Joe’s commercials were bizarre in that…they weren’t really that bizarre. They had low production values, sure. And Joe not only looked like a character, but he even had a catch phrase! It’s almost like they wanted to go the “wacky local commercial” route (benchmark? Crazy Gideon), but couldn’t commit. Another thing that throws me through a loop: Joe died in 2003. I could swear these commercials aired in the Petco Park era. Were we getting “thazzzzzright”s from beyond the grave? Spooky things to consider around Hallowe’en.

Corky’s Pest Control

That’s it. That’s all you need. Aki’s the best, man.

Boot World

Oh, Boot World. Really, this piece is a thinly veiled attempt to get one last look at the Ryan Klesko Boot World ad. I’ve scoured the internet, and I just can’t find the video. Not even a screen grab. Nothing. After lulling you into a sense of security, the commercial’s coup de grâce was an amazing, public access-worthy chroma key where Ryan Klesko implored you to take a trip down to Boot World and tell them he sent you.

Except…well, I’m not going to accuse anyone of anything(maybe he hadn’t slept in three days, I don’t know)…but here’s best approximation I could come up with for how Klesko looked in the ad:

snooppadres

Do you have great memories of the awful ads Channel 4 aired? Share them in the comments section!

* – True story.

The Vocal Minority sometimes posts on Mondays. Every Monday, except the one the other week where I didn’t. Get off my back, okay? Follow me on Twitter so we can talk arm wrestling.

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  • Michelle Rose

    I was sure that Evans Tire Center (“Naaaaaaahhhh….”) would be included in this.

    • Lonnie Brownell

      With our oldest son named Evan (“look, it’s your tire store, Evan!”) and the cheesy animation, it was a favorite around our house.

    • VM David

      Couldn’t find it.

  • Geoff Young

    Sunglass & Optical Warehouse, kid telling Trevor Hoffman: “Hey, Trevor, you missed a spot.”

    But seriously, Aki is the best.

    • SDPads1

      Agreed. Aki was hands down the best! I remember all these great commercials.

      I loved the Scan Supercuts commercials too. It was funny because even when they tried to mess up Scans hair to look like he needed a haircut it was still absolutely perfect.

      • Michelle Rose

        I don’t think that Scan’s hair couldn’t not look perfect.

  • Without a doubt the San Diego Homecooking commercials with the attractive eastern European female whose voice sounds like it was dubbed. Comfort food at its finest!

    • VM David

      LIKE MOM USED TO MAKE (not HER mom, mind you…but perhaps your mom).

      I liked the ones that were set up like they were part of the broadcast, and the guy was interviewing her on behalf of Channel 4.

  • not tony gwynn

    1 8 7 7 kars for kids. K A R S, kars for kids….

    • VM David

      Evil.