Today is a special Vocal Minority double your pleasure day. Don’t expect that very often.
There are some Padres fans who I’m hearing from who think we here at Padres Public, and specifically David and myself at The Vocal Minority, need to get down to business, take on the Padres organization and blogosphere, and really spark a serious change in the Padres and Padres fandom. Right now. Well, I appreciate the sentiment and I take the idea that we’re even capable as a compliment, but screw that. It’s February. There’s still snow on the ground in Cleveland. I want to write about something stupid.
On Friday, David valiantly filled in for Ray for #SezBill, and the highlight of the post was his brain’s initial confusion of breakout with breakfast, declaring Yonder Alonso the Breakfast Player of the Year for 2013. My first thought was, that’s awesome. My second thought was, not so fast (get it, Yonder is slow). We need to put a lot more thought into this. Sorry Yonder, you don’t just get to be #SezBill’s breakout player of the year candidate and our Breakfast Player of the Year too. Let’s throw some batter on the griddle and really settle this hash.
What makes someone the Breakfast Player?
This is a very valid question. How do we approach this? We could go low-brow and just say it’s the Padres player who you most associate with consuming large quantities of breakfast foods. This was my first thought, and I went with what I thought was a sneaky choice, up-and-coming right-handed reliever Brad Brach. He’s just a big dude from the East Coast, and I think he’d do some serious damage to a breakfast buffet. Plus, he spends his offseasons in Nashville with his singer-songwriter girlfriend, and for whatever reason, I think that helps his cause.
But I don’t think a literal interpretation is the best one in this case. This is an absurd award. The entire concept of #BreakfastTown is ridiculous. I think the award should go to the oddest member of the Padres. I’m not going to break down a full list of candidates. Luke Gregerson’s mustache from last season was weird. Dale Thayer’s was epic. But those guys are relievers, and relievers are supposed to be odd. For me, there’s only one real choice for Breakfast Player of the Year: veteran catcher John Baker.
Did you see the picture of John at the Padres Awards Banquet next to the Streets, both Huston and Lacey?
Who is this guy who looks suspiciously like Jeff Goldblum? Did you know that his twitter handle is @manbearwolf? I had no idea until this offseason. He hasn’t tweeted since 2011, when he was apparently obsessed with VH1’s Baseball Wives and occasionally retweeted the account of PFC Bradley Manning. Then he came to San Diego and apparently quit Twitter entirely. Why the silence? He’d tweeted over 2500 times and then quit cold turkey. That’s an MVP twitter handle and it’s going to waste.
I don’t know very much about John Baker at all. I know he’s from Nor Cal. I know he’s a catcher. I know he came to us from Miami in exchange for Frenchy LeBlanc. I know he went to Italy this offseason with Carlos Quentin. I know that his roster spot is safe for at least the first 50 games of the season thanks to generosity of Josmany Springs. I know he’s a snappy dresser and I know he chose a fantastic Twitter name. Is that really enough to make him Breakfast Player of the Year?
Yes. The mystery is the best part.
You may have your own opinion or interpretation on who should be Breakfast Player of the Year and what makes him qualified. As long as you can back it up with a decent argument, I’m open to suggestion. At the end of the season we’ll gather up the list of nominees and re-visit this subject, deciding once and for all who really was The First Annual Vocal Minority Breakfast Player of the Year (we won’t be doing any of that). For now I’m overruling David and declaring the preseason winner to be international man of mystery, the man behind the catcher’s mask, John Baker, aka manbearwolf.