Back in 2010, myself, Beautown & Marshall spent the day with Matthewverygood at Camelback Ranch in Glendale. It was on this day that prop bets first peeked their ugly head out of the hole they have been hiding in my whole life. Matt’s friends do it during every game. “Next pitch a strike? $1. Double down on next batter reaching first base! I’m going to get Ric Flair to do the Flair strut!!” I was hesitant to join in at first, as his friends berate and belittle each other every time money changes hands. I’m pretty sure I saw tears from a couple poor souls a time or two and at least 4 people pissed themselves on more than one occasion. I threw in a couple dollars here and there but for the most part remained quiet. After the game our group of 3 went to a bar and begun the 4 year tradition of Bargame Prop Bets.
With that said, 10 hour benders at bars aren’t exactly the best thing for you. I am still recovering from Spring Training almost a full week since being home. The head hasn’t stopped throbbing. I look like a lizard as my skin is all peely thanks to the brutal sunburn I got from the 100+ degree heat, with no shade and 2 spotlights placed directly on me*. I even feel like I pulled my groin somehow. I. Am. A. Mess.
While on air Wednesday news broke that Casey Kelly would likely be saying hello to our familiar friend Tommy John. Then news breaks of Chase Headley having to miss Opening Day (and then some) with a fractured thumb. For the love of God! When will this team ever catch a break?? What we need is to scrap these players and only get players with Super Human Strengths! We don’t need to scrap everyone though because we have some players in the Minors right now! Let’s take a look.
One of the first feats of super human strength that I saw was Rubber Arm Man Max Fried.
On the morning of the 14th, Geoff Young and I ventured to the backfields. After a while we kept hearing players talking about a potential split squad game somewhere. We anxiously awaited hearing who would be playing in said game and what field said game would be on. Finally we saw all the players gathering on Field 4 and we heard that Max Fried and Joe Ross would be taking the mound. The backstop immediately was swarmed by all the big wigs to watch these prized prospects throw. Before the game Fried was warming up by playing a little long toss. And by long toss I mean standing on the right-center warning track riffling bullets to a guy standing in the left field foul line with ease. Seriously it looked effortless. This is the Rubber Arm we need in our group!
He would go on to wow everyone during the game and make the hitters look foolish. The first inning was a little scattered but he settled in nicely. I’m excited about this kid.
The next bit of super human strength I witnessed was seeing The Flash Travis Jankowski on Field 6.
The situation: Jankowski on 2nd. Hitter dribbles a grounder to the 1st baseman that he takes himself to first base for the easy out. He blinks and Jankowski is probably 3/4 of the way down the 3rd base line having not even slowed down for a split second at 3rd. He throws but he’s safe by a mile standing up with the throw getting there shortly after he touches home. What. Just. Happened? Geoff and I were in shock. I hear people in the stands whispering to each other “did you see that?!” I can’t wait to see what he does on the base paths this year.
Back on Field 4 as I sat in the stands watching Ross pitch, 2 players (I assumed) stroll up with these robotic looking cyborg arm braces similar to this.
Mr. Padre Encyclopedia Geoff Young recognized Rymer Liriano as one of those guys. The other we couldn’t figure out (looked just like Liriano but his brace was on the opposite arm). My hope is that the Padres have removed the more powerful arm from each of these guys and are attaching them both to a new genetic experiment creating a Super Cyborg player that will never get hurt again and throw over 100 with ease….WITH BOTH ARMS! We’ll call him John Tommy better known as the opposite of Tommy John.
Lastly I witnessed the Human Sasquatch Matt Lollis. This is a big dude. Big I tell ya. I am terrified to even write his name. He is listed at 6’9″ 250 pounds but he looked bigger. I commented how terrified I’d be facing this guy. He could throw high and in all day and I wouldn’t take one step towards that mound for fear of my life. He had good stuff out there that day. We need the big guy in our Super Powers group. The Avengers have the Hulk. The Fantastic Four have the Thing. The Padres have Matt Lollis. It’s the perfect fit.
I look forward to seeing these Super Humans unite some day and save the (Padres) world. We are counting on you guys.
*True story. Have you ever heard of someone getting a sunburn on their forehead…..WHILE WEARING A HAT!?!?!