Ever since the dawn of RJ’s Fro (2010) I have been doing a list of “Drinking Game Rules”. Every year though they sit in my un-published posts folder, rotting away in blogging purgatory never to be seen by any of you fine readers out there. Last year I even got so far as to actually film the rules at Randy Jones All-American Sports Grill for a Padres and Pints segment but it was a bumbling mess (thanks Ghost), so it quickly hit the cutting room floor. This year that all changes though. Here is your PUBLISHED list! (a good 2+ months into the season)
A couple ground rules first. Drinking games are supposed to be fun. I don’t want to create something that just soothe’s the pain. You won’t see any completely negative rules, like “every time a Padres starter gives up a home run”. There are some rules that have two outcomes (one positive, one negative) but I try to make it fun still. So if something bad happens you are still enjoying yourself. Watching your favorite baseball team is supposed to be fun, right? So here’s a novel idea, you should have fun with this. But please drink responsibly, we don’t want to see any of you Padres fans on the latest episode of Cops. Also if you are under 21 substitute your favorite non-alcoholic beverage of choice.
On to the rules!!
Rule #1 – Every time Chris Denorfia dives for a ball
A catch – Take a drink and slap fives to all your buddies in celebration
A miss – Drink the whole thing and shout “NORF!!!!” at the top of your lungs upon completion. Last one buys the next round.
Rule #2 – Every time Dick Enberg says “Warning Path” when referring to the “Warning Track”, says “hubba, hubba”, gets a players name wrong or any other of his famous”Dickism’s”
Take a drink and then proceed to find someone younger than you and tell them what it was like in “your day”.
Rule #3 – Every time Everth Cabrera attempts a stolen base.
Success! – Take a big stretch like you are leading off 1st and then take a drink…quickly!
Caught! – Line up at the end of the bar and race to the end. Last place buys the next round.
Rule #4 – Every time you see a bald head on Fox Sports San Diego (Mud, Sweendog, Dick, etc)
Take a drink, preferably while wearing sunglasses because it’s so bright!
Rule #5 – Every time Andrew Cashner throws 98+ MPH
Order a non-craft beer such as Budweiser, Coors or Miller and pound that sucker down and when finished shout DRESSED THE DEER!
Rule #6 – Every time Carlos Quentin gets hit by a pitch.
Take a drink and then slug your neighbor in the arm. If you are a gentleman and in the presence of a lady, she gets all the punching rights of the group.
Rule #7A – Drinking with friends?
Everytime someone burps, give the “Good Burp” sign made famous by Zane Lamprey. Last one to do it takes a drink.
Rule #7B – Drinking alone?
Then burp, give the “Good Burp” sign to practice your craft and continue drinking.
Rule #8 – Every time William Venable is up
He flails at Strike 3 or weakly grounds out. Take a drink of Ballast Point Sculpin and get on Twitter ASAP! viLL WeNAbLe!!!!!&$@!!
He comes through in a clutch situation. Still drink a Sculpin and get to Twitter and let the Avenger-in-Chief hear about it!
Rule #9 – Pre-Game (up to your own personal rank)
Rule #9A – Everytime the Padres wear the Home Whites take 4 drinks (because those things are God awful)
Rule #9B – Everytime the Padres wear the Blue Alternate take 3 drinks
Rule #9C – Everytime the Padres wear the Gray Away take 2 drink
Rule #9D – Everytime the Padres wear the Camo Sundays take 1 drink (must salute the military while doing so)
Rule #9E – Everytime the Padres wear throwbacks don’t drink anything (because they are to beautiful to be under the influence)
Rule #10 – Every time Chase Headley causes you to #swoon
That’s a trick, because Chase always causes #swoon you’d be hammered all the time.
*The hilarious Rule #11 comes courtesy of Geoff Young.
Rule #11 – If you don’t know what any of this means because you have Time Warner
Take a drink…and keep on drinking.
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