Haiku-arrhea: Week 1 in Padres Baseball

On January 18th, 2013 an unknown entity calling itself Padres Public tweeted the following:

This haiku poem (the third Padres Public tweet) began a two week barrage of poetry as well as Chuck-Norris-ish inspiration and Most-Interesting-Man-In-The-World-esque boasts. While some found the flurry of 140 character soundbites entertaining, creative, and ridiculously awesome there were others who felt the constant posts did nothing more than create a mess out of their respective timelines. In fact, one individual went so far as to respond to Padres Public with a haiku of their own describing the posts as diarrhea exploding over their time line. On that day I coined the word Haiku-arrhea to illustrate precisely what we were doing.

In an effort to  stay close to our roots, the staff at Padres Public, will offer up a haiku each Monday to describe the previous week in Padres Baseball. Restricting our feelings to 3 lines and 17 syllables after only 6 games have been played is a massive undertaking, but fortunately, we are more than up to the task.

With the Padres finishing the week 1-5 and in last place in the NL West the following haiku were submitted:

Avenging Jack Murphy

An absence of Chase

Quentin’s always balky knee

Hello Mark Kotsay!

Left Coast Bias

Starting on the road

Without pitching or Headley

Not going well . . . yet

Ghost of Ray Kroc

Finally. Baseball.

After this dud offseason,

Byrnes needs to get drunk.

Vocal Minority (Nate)

If you can’t pitch well

The odds are stacked against you

Scoring runs would help

Vocal Minority (David)

Edinson Volquez

Followed by Clayton Richard

Headley can’t fix that

Padres Trail

First look at new fence

Starters can’t make it through five

Will home cooking fix?

Son of a Duck

Since Yonder homered

Opposition has hit 10 straight

That is a problem

RJ’s Fro (Rick)

The Padres might suck

But opening Day still rules

They will #beatLA

Sacrifice Bunt (Melvin)

They may have more debt

Ownership has lots to prove

Actions speak loudest


And there you have it, Padres fans – eight haiku about the first week of the season. Feel free to add your own haiku or go ahead and extrapolate on some of the ideas found within the brilliant verse typed-up before you.

Here’s to tomorrow’s home-opener against the Dodgers and a better week of baseball for the San Diego Padres.

I contribute to Padres Public on Thursday mornings and when I’m feeling particularly inspired. I can also be found on twitter at @AvengingJM where I offer thoughts on children’s cartoons 7 days a week.

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  • BitterPadresFan

    3 runs tops at Coors?/What about now at Petco???/At least Jedd looks good.

  • BitterPadresFan

    Grantland confirms it/Padres a national joke/At least we have beer!

  • VM David

    I missed the deadline on this: Padres are house poor / Debts to several lenders / America’s Team

    • You missed the deadline? / Verse with your name shown above / Perhaps “Ghost” written?

      • VM David

        Just on that one.

      • I did not write that.
        VM David screwed the pooch.
        Oh well. C’est la vie.