Let me begin by making the following statement, so there can be no confusion:

I like Mark Sweeney. The few occasions that I’ve met him, he was personable and pleasant. He seems to be a really nice guy to everyone he meets, no matter what.

Now, having gotten that out of the way, Fox Sports San Diego needs to stop putting Sweeney in the play-by-play booth. Like, immediately and forever.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Sweeney does a halfway decent job as a studio analyst. He should keep doing that.

However, when he shows up for those three innings during home games as the third wheel in the booth between Don Orsillo and Mark Grant, the life gets sucked right out of the broadcast. Whenever he’s in the broadcast booth, I find myself tuning out of the action of the game and doing other things while the TV stays on as background noise. When he subs for Mud on occasion, I find myself wishing that there wasn’t a delay between the radio and TV feeds.

Now that Dick Enberg and his Dickisms have retired from everyday play-by-play life, Sweeney has taken up the mantle of driving some Friars’ fans to drink.

Here are the guidelines for the Sweenalysis drinking game.


The Rules

Take a drink* every time Sweeney says or does any of the following, with some examples:

“To your point…”

“[Player/manager/coach] loves the game of baseball”

“Tip your cap”

“Has to feel good”

“Not a good feeling”

“Exposed”

“[Random thing] is a/the key”

Any sort of unnecessary time-filling analysis

Special Penalties

Any combination of two types of Sweenalysis in the same sentence, do a double shot of Wild Turkey.

“To your point, Don, you have to tip your cap to him.”

Any combination of three in the same sentence, shotgun a beer.

“Sometimes all you can do is tip your cap, although getting exposed like that is not a good feeling.”

Any combination of four or more in the same sentence, do a keg stand.
(This is a very rare occurrence. So rare, in fact, that I can’t even think of a possible example.)

 

*Age 21 or over. Drink responsibly. Don’t drink and drive. Give a hoot, don’t pollute.


There you have it. The rules are simple and easy to understand.

I hope Fox Sports San Diego and the Padres give serious consideration to putting Tony Gwynn Jr in there instead of Sweeney for extra analysis or to give Mud a break from now on. Or at least starting next year. Give us that much.

And considering the Padres are in Tank Mode, my liver and kidneys can’t take much more abuse.

You know what, just to show that there are no hard feelings, let’s hug it out.

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  • JOHN DESY

    Completely agree. He just won’t shut up. He’s not funny or clever or even somewhat interesting. I mute the sound for his innings.