On last week’s #SDLive* on Fox Sports San Diego, UFC fighter Phil Davis was presented with a Padres hat in Pittsburgh Pirates colors. Davis lives and trains here in San Diego, but was born and raised in Pittsburgh, so the Pirates are his team. Someone at FSSD got the bright idea to combine the two for him.

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Phil Davis tries on his new San Diego Pirates hat.

*Don’t ask me why I was watching this show. I really don’t remember. I’m pretty sure I hadn’t had any beer that evening, so I wasn’t inebriated. Rest assured, I switched channels shortly after this hat showed up.

This segment (if you can call it that) did get me thinking:

What is the worst officially licensed San Diego Padres hat on the market today?

Last February, Vocal Minority David looked at bogus and bootleg jerseys. However hats are just as bad, if not worse. And they’re authorized by Major League Baseball! In many cases, these, um, things are sold on the official team store websites, if not in the stores themselves.

First up, I give you the 2014 Authentic Collection Clubhouse 39THIRTY Stretch Fit Cap by New Era, as sold on the Padres online shop.

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What, exactly, is “authentic” about this thing? The bill looks purple!

Next up, we have the Dri-FIT Cooperstown True Snapback Adjustable Cap by Nike, again from the online shop.

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That’s right! Bring back the…yellow? What?

The Mas Word Classic 39THIRTY Stretch Fit Cap by New Era is next.

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Oof. So many problems.

Speaking of “oof,” I see these FlairHair Adjustable Visors by Concept One Accessories around Petco Park all the time.

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Hey! Who says you can’t look like Guy Fieri while rooting for your Padres?

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I do. Stop it already.

Don’t think the Padres and MLB have forgotten about you, ladies. You can get a Women’s Hello Kitty Adjustable Cap from the online store.

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That’s right, Hello Kitty. It’s hard to see, but those are apparently Hello Kitty ears on top.

Here’s the New Era 5950 Fitted Hat – Black, Green, Red, Gold available from Hat Club.

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C’mon, man. There’s nothing about this, other than the SD logo, that says “Padres.”

Next we have the New Era 5950 Fitted Hat – Camo from Hat Club.

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It’s not even the same camo pattern on every panel. The only person who might be able to pull this look off is Andrew Cashner. That’s it. No one else. Don’t even bother trying.

And we also have the New Era 2Tone Fitted Hat – Heather Gray, Navy Blue, White from, you guessed it, Hat Club.

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Hat Club has some horrible color combos in their stores, as well, which I’m pretty sure is where they got that black/yellow hat for Phil Davis.

But New Era sells some directly that are cringeworthy. Like the MLB Hyper Tint 59FIFTY Cap.

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Where do I start with this? It looks like a popsicle, for one thing.

Of course, all this is subjective. Some of you may like some of th–Hang on a second…

Oh, dear God.

We have a winner.

I think we can all agree on that one.

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I’ll leave you today with this image: Phil Davis losing at Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots to that evening’s other #SDLive guest, Marty Caswell of Mighty 1090 & the Darren Smith Show.

*****

I write something for Padres Public just about every week on Wednesday morning. Follow me on Twitter, as most people can barely stand me in 140-character bursts, let alone after 500+ words.

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  • kevintheomanharris

    The hello kitty hat is a bow, not ears. Not sure why or how I know that.

    I like the ” New Era 2Tone Fitted Hat – Heather Gray, Navy Blue, White” a lot actually.

    • Lonnie Brownell

      In the Kitty pic, it looks (faintly) like there are little ears as well as the bows. If not, imagine the disappointment of all the little Hello Kitty fans when their cap arrives in the mail with NO EARS.

  • Lonnie Brownell

    The black, green and red cap would be good for Bob Marley Day.

    They sell the item shown here in the online store. It’s in the closeout section, probably because they never sold even one. And it’s called the “Swinging Friar” Mascot Cap.

    How? Why?

    • Trying to get on the panda hat trend bandwagon is the only excuse I can come up with for why this ever existed.

    • ballybunion

      They sold at least one – I saw a guy wearing one. He or someone else had drawn a pair of fangs on it, and I thought it was a vampire hat !

  • Sac Bunt Melvin

    Fashion Police whoo whoo!

  • SDPads1

    I am not a fan of most of the “fashion” hats but I thought what SDLive did was actually good. He’s a Pirates fan but is in San Diego, so it’s the best of both worlds for him.

    • I guess I’m just a hat purist. I’m just a hat monger. Wait–What?

  • DaveRiceSD

    I’ve always been irked by the one that kind of but doesn’t really match the old school Chargers powder blue and yellow – I do own and sport some light blue Chargers caps, but not with a Padres logo. Just like I’d never take a Padres hat with lightning bolts to Petco.

    The ones here, however, take the cake – any of them. For some reason I’ve got this belief with baseball caps that if the style’s never been worn on-field it doesn’t belong on anyone’s head. Period.

    That said, I have terrible taste by most people’s standards – my go-to on 9 out of 10 days I put anything on my head is the mid-2000s road cap – dark blue with “sand” SD and white trim. I actually have two of those and a brown-with-orange-logo sitting within arm’s reach as I type this…