Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love New Padres Fans

nochargersWelcome, new Padres fans who used to be Los Angeles San Diego Los Angeles Chargers fans!

Go ahead and set up your folding chair and enjoy our tailgate party. Here’s a .394 San Diego Pale Ale for you to enjoy. Good, isn’t it?

Oh, wait, you are 21, right? Oh, that’s good. No, no need to check ID. We’re on the honor system here.

So, you’re new to Petco Park, right? I mean, you’ve mostly been spending your hard-earned money on that other team with the lightning logo and that inane “BOLT UP” slogan, I’m guessing.

What gave it away? Well, the brand new Matt Kemp t-shirt that you picked up at Target. Probably last week, right? You likely have that Derek Norris one too, am I correct in assuming? Of course I am.

That’s okay, though! I’m glad you have come into the Padres fold. I’ve watched for far too long as Chargers fans looked down on Padres fans as lesser beings.

“How can you support those losers?”

“I prefer my money & support go to a winning organization. When was the last time the Padres made the playoffs?”

Now you guys will be coming over from the dark side in droves. But that’s okay. We don’t mind.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I used to be a Chargers fan. Back in the Air Coryell days with Dan Fouts, Wes Chandler, Chuck Muncie, et al.

I even got sucked into the hype of the 1994 team that got trounced in the Super Bowl.

But ever since I have steadfastly refused to acknowledge anything the Chargers have done. Because I saw right through their bulls**t.

You may be asking how I was able to do that. Looking for a new stadium a few years after Qualcomm was remodeled and renamed is likely going to do that.

But I’ve had plenty of practice with marching through the Padres BS over the years as well.

Tom Werner was the first truly bad Padres owner I remember. The guy didn’t know jack squat about owning a professional sports franchise and it showed. He once had Roseanne Barr sing the National Anthem, for goodness’ sake. And let’s not forget about the tarp over the upper deck of Jack Murphy Stadium.

Then he sold the team to John Moores. At first, everything seemed to be working out with Moores. The team started winning. He convinced San Diego to pay for half of Petco Park.

Then he decided to boink his now ex-wife’s OB/GYN and it all went downhill from there. Because he decided it wasn’t worth the trouble of owning a Major League franchise and sold the team to the next guy: Jeff Moorad.

Moorad didn’t have the money to do simple things like routine maintenance on Petco Park and signing players who could actually play. But he liked wearing a brown Padres warmup jacket around Petco Park. So he had that going for him. The only thing he had going for him.

Finally, MLB came to their senses and denied Moorad’s bid to buy the club and eventually approved a sale of the club to the “O’Fowdler” Group.

These new guys didn’t start out very well. We’ve been hearing the same old song and dance for so long that we weren’t buying what Ron Fowler was selling right away. Then 2014 happened.

It didn’t start out very well, with the Padres public address announcer search turning into a s**tshow. Drafting Johnny Manziel, Beergate, BS Plaza came next. We all were sick of the snafus.

Then they hired A.J. Preller as the GM. And all of that negativity changed, seemingly overnight during this offseason. Trading for Matt Kemp, Derek Norris, Justin Upton, & Wil Myers and the signing of James Shields to anchor an already pretty decent starting rotation has us all excited as Spring Training gets underway.

Think of this as a rebirth for the Padres and their fans. A reawakening, if you will. And you can experience it too, Chargers fans. Come out of the dark and into the light.

You have seen the light. And it is good. It is warm. It is welcoming.

So, welcome. Enjoy your beer out here in our tailgate.

And, here’s a little secret you might not be aware of, being new to baseball and all:

We have a minimum of 81 days like this. Add in Spring Training and possible playoff appearances, and that’s a lot more than 10, right? Exactly. You’re already seeing one of the benefits.

So sit back and enjoy the ride with the rest of us.

Go Padres!


I write something for Padres Public just about every week (during the season) and usually on Wednesday morning.  Since you’re likely already following me on Twitter, tell your friends, family, and well-wishers to follow me.  Give CornfedFriar a follow while you’re at it.

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