Blast From the Past: 12 Steps for Being a Recovering Padres Fan

Writer’s block. I haz it.

Writer’s block is a hideous bitch goddess.

I decided to go back in my rather small archive of past writings to find some sort of inspiration. I first wrote the 12 Steps for Being a Recovering Padres Fan in January of 2011. Then I rewrote it last September, after the Giants clinched the division on their way to winning a second World Series in three years. That was a depressing time for us, Padres fans. We needed an intervention.

As surprising as this season has been so far, the Padres have not looked good lately, losing four in a row while only scoring four runs.

Uh-oh. This is kind of depressing…

Then, I looked at the current standings:


Hey! Would you look at that? Suddenly, I don’t feel quite so bad. I’m still feeling a little depressed, but it’s nothing a good beer can’t temporarily mask. And it could be worse.

I could be wearing one of these:

The Double Dickhat

The Double Dickhat



12 Steps for Being a Recovering Padres Fan

  1. We admitted we were powerless—that our team had become uncompetitive.
  2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Gwynn as we understood him.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to Gwynn, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. We’re entirely ready to have Gwynn remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked Gwynn to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Except for when it comes to Giants fans. Those guys are jerks.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Gwynn as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other baseball fans, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.



Follow me on Twitter at @GhostofRAK, where I talk about…well…

I’ll let John explain that:

Couldn’t have said it better myself. 

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  • Another great post. Thank you for the mention.

  • Axion

    haha the penors are almost touching.