The Ballad of Kyle Blanks

During Sunday’s game against the Nationals, Kyle Blanks hit a home run that — if not for the facade of the Western Metal Building — would likely still be flying somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.


GIF by jodes0405 at

I took to the Twitter to express my feelings of joy and exuberance.

So did Mark Grant on the Fox Sports San Diego broadcast.

As did a few other people.

(Sad but true, as Blanks did not start either Monday OR Tuesday nights.)

The next day, people were still talking about it.

So was I, quite frankly.


Shortly after tweeting that,
I received this in a reply from Rally Plantain.

My use of the hashtag “Legend of Kyle Blanks” started a mini-debate with Beautown.

It was at this point that the following song was born. Sung to the tune of “The Ballad of Davy Crockett,” I hope you enjoy.

(Apologies in advance to Walt Disney, George Bruns & Tom W. Blackburn.)

Born on a mountaintop in Sellersville, PA
Keystone State in the land of the free
Raised in the woods so’s he knew every tree
Carved him a bat when he was only three

Kyle Blanks, Kyle Blanks, king of the monster homers

When he lost his starting spot, his grief was gall
In his heart, he wanted to leave it all
And lose hisself in the forest tall
But he answered, instead, his fans’ call

Kyle Blanks, Kyle Blanks, the choice of Padres fans everywhere

He went off to Tucson and served a spell
Strikin’ fear in the opponents’ pitchers a ton
Took over Arizona, so I hear tell
And patched up the crack known as the Grand Canyon

Kyle Blanks, Kyle Blanks, seein’ his duty clear

Fought single-handed thru the Greinke war
‘Till the Dodgers was whipped and the peace was in store
And while he was a’handlin’ this risky chore
Made hisself a legend forever more

Kyle Blanks, Kyle Blanks, the man who don’t know fear

His bat is the biggest, his bat is the best
From sandy shores to the mountain crest
He’s ahead of us all and meetin’ the test
And a’follern’ his legend right into the west

Kyle Blanks, Kyle Blanks, king of the monster homers
Kyle Blanks, Kyle Blanks, king of the monster homers


C’mon, Bud! What does Blanks have to do to get at least a regular shot in the lineup? Especially at home in Petco, where his power comes in real handy at times.

For goodness sake, Bud, you started Amarista in CF Tuesday night!

I know you’re locked-in to the lefty-righty matchups. But, guess what? The difference over his career isn’t as bad as everyone seems to think it is.

There have to be some exceptions to the rule. I think Blanks is one of those exceptions.


And, finally, Rally Plantain submitted this picture.
Even better than the first one, I see this on a t-shirt in the future.


Follow me on Twitter at @GhostofRAK, where I announce my presence with authority.

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