Blast From The Past: Chavez Latrine

Last year, I wrote about my experience catching my first Padres game ever in Dodger Stadium. And by experience, I mean nightmare. Between the rude fans, the long concession lines and the screwy-ass entrance layout, if I ever have another chance to catch a game up in Chavez Latrine, I’ll pass.

I figured I’d just be lazy and do an old-fashioned copy & paste for this week’s submission, seeing how Sunday was the anniversary of that trip.

To be fair, we did have a good time at Golden Road Brewing pregame.

Seriously. I never want to go back there. Read on to see why.

How To Survive a Horrible Padres Game at Dodger Stadium

First, let me explain why I went to Dodger Stadium. My ex-roommate was in town for a business conference and had the opportunity to come out a couple of days early. He, like me, really loves baseball. He called me up to ask if he paid for the tickets & gas would I like to go to Dodger Stadium to watch the Padres.

I’ve said, on multiple occasions, that I have no desire to go to Dodger Stadium. But, like an Alzheimer’s patient, I said yes to his proposal.

We started our adventure at the Pub at Golden Road Brewing, which is a few miles away from Dodger Stadium.

This place was recommended by my friend Brad after I asked for pregame spots to have a beer & food. (Sorry, Matt, but your tamales suggestion just didn’t cut it.)

Hipster Central

The first thing I noticed was the unusual ratio of guys with Van Dykes to guys without Van Dykes.

The beer was not bad.  I had 3 of their house beers:  Either Side Of The Hill double IPA, Schwartz Stout, and Hefeweizen. They also had a halfway decent selection of other beers from places like Stone & Hangar 24.

Almost all the food has a vegan option. Which will make Prince Fielder happy.

After making a quick stop at a nearby 7-11 to replenish my cash supply & get some water, we headed the 5 miles or so to the stadium.  It took us 1 1/2 hours.

But, we made it.

Welcome to the Dodger Stadium parking lot, where there is no tailgating allowed.

I’m serious about the “no tailgating” thing.  They have signs up at the entrances and rent-a-cops patrolling to make sure you’re not drinking alcohol.  In fact, we got there a little early, so we sat in the car drinking bottled water.  I see the rent-a-cops go by in a golf cart in front of us.  Next thing we know, one of them is sticking his head in our car window to see what we’re drinking.

Given what happened to Bryan Stow last year, I don’t blame them.  But where were you when the people two cars down were pounding back Blue Moons?  There were 3 or 4 bottles on the ground when we left to go into the stadium.

If only there was some way to get all of these Dodgers fans out of here…


Ugh, Dodgers…


50th Anniversary logo. This park is old now.


Nice day weather-wise, at least.


About 15 minutes to 1st pitch. Note the empty seats.


Why haven’t the Dodgers retired this guy’s number yet?


View from our seats.
Not pictured: The 30,000 Dodgers fans who “paid” for their seats, only to sit in other people’s seats randomly the entire game.

Here’s where it went the whole trip went off the rails.  The game, in a nutshell, was an embarrassment.  I never got to reveal my “Dodgers Suck” t-shirt.  There was absolutely no point in doing that, given how the Padres played.

So, maybe my perspective is a little skewed from Matt Kemp‘s single-handed beat-down of the Padres.  Maybe I am a little biased because I dislike the Dodgers.  But, I’m not sorry that I’m venting for all the world to see.

[Editor’s note:  I try not to use the word “hate” whenever I can with regards to generally trivial things like sports.  It’s really hard to do in this case, but I’m giving it my best shot.]

A fellow Padres fan actually sat down right behind me.  I gave her a high five and told her at least she wasn’t alone this night.  I turned around half of a half inning later and she was gone, never to be seen again.

I’ve got to say that from my perspective/seats, Dodger Stadium is a dump.  They don’t have enough concessions stands open and the concourses are too narrow.  Maybe I’m spoiled because of Petco.  And maybe that’s why Dodgers fans come down and make it Chavez Ravine South, because they know their own ballpark is a dump.  A shitty, shitty dump.

[Editor’s note:  Yes, I know it’s 50 years old, but didn’t they just remodel it a few years ago?  Did they stop once they got up to the Press Box?]

At one point, my friend got up to get some food.  He didn’t come back for 4 innings.  He was in the concessions line the entire time.  And two people tried to take his seats and steal his giveaway stadium replica.  And they got really bitchy when I told them the seats were taken.  I’m talking the “I’m gonna knife you, foo!” kind of bitchy.

[Editor’s note:  That’s not a typo.  They actually say “foo” instead of fool.  At least that’s what gangsta rap has taught me.]

And $12 for a “Premium Beer,” which is, apparently, Heineken?  Kiss my rather large beer snob hindquarters!

And don’t even get me started on the beach balls and the wave…

Most of the game, I sat there not smiling.

So, the answer to the question of how to survive a horrible Padres game at Dodger Stadium?  Drink a lot before getting to the stadium and keep your head down once you get there.

I’ll take a Padres Blueprint over this shit any day.


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