Okay, so the Padres apparently don’t believe bobblehead giveaways sell tickets.

But some of us here at Padres Public think they just need to show a little creativity to get people out to the ballpark with bobbleheads. And by some of us, I mean me. Because Avenging Jack Murphy wasn’t nearly as creative as he thinks.

Oh, great! Another bobblehead post? Where’s the analysis? Where’s the reports on the farm system? Where’s the counter-response to that one Bleacher Report article that no one read?

You haven’t been “reading” my stuff for very long, have you?

Steve Poltz


Why not giveaway a likeness of, arguably, the Padres most famous superfan?

There is precedent, your honor:


Please, Hammer, don’t hurt ’em.


I left my Dickhat,
in San Francisco…


He’s won awards. He’s built a sports talk empire. He demands a bobblehead likeness.

And, I’ve already found a ready-made design.


I am bleeping brilliant!

Just add a mustache, paint the hair grey, put some glasses on him and replace the wrench with a microphone. Or a plate of IHOP pancakes. Built-in sponsor for you, too.

I’m sure Brady from LobShots will be first in line for tickets to that game.

Woody Williams


Okay, this is silly. But, at least I’m thinking out of the box.*

*But I’m not thinking “outside the bun.” Because that would be even sillier.

The Right Field Fans



The Dancing Friar

Yes, I know that’s the Providence College mascot. But it looked more like a bobblehead than the other images I Googled.

The Front Office (Space)


What’s happening, Peter (Seidler)?

The Swinging Friar


Why not? He’s already got the design of a bobblehead!

And that kid’s giveaway mini-bobblehead the Padres had a few years ago looked more like Charlie Brown.


Don’t like any of those? Well, there’s always my original idea, despite the opposition from some people.

Owner Bobbleheads

C. Arnholdt Smith


Just use the Everth Cabrera bobblehead’s body to depict Smith running from the IRS.

Ray Kroc


Not my first choice for a bobblehead pose. Maybe have me sculpted stomping on the Burger King’s head while strangling Jack Box.**

And when you hit a little button on the base, it plays my public address rant about never seeing such stupid ballplaying and my demand to security to get that streaker out of here. Or it can ask if you want fries with that. Either one works for me.

**Not jbox from Gaslamp Ball. Unless he gets in my way, that is…

Joan Kroc


Man, she had a Bruce Bochy-sized melon, didn’t she? Perfect for a bobblehead.

Tom Werner


Have him setting fire to the Padres logo. And you can modify this design so he’s flipping the bird to Padres fans. More true to life that way. Just reuse the Chub Feeney body that Avenging Jack Murphy suggested.***

***Not depicted: The rest of the Gang of 15.

John Moores


You have to sculpt Moores’ likeness in his “Howard Hughes” phase. Maybe even have Kleenex box shoes and long fingernails.


(I was going to make a joke about having him boinking an OB-Gyn, but thought better of it.)

Jeff Moorad


C’mon! If this isn’t a perfect photo to base a bobblehead on, I’ll eat a Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Taco.****

****No, I won’t.

The Fowler/Seidler/O’Malley Group


Here you have a whole set in one easy collection! Give them out over the course of an entire season! Collect ’em all, kids!

Seriously, if a guy who pretends to be a dead guy can come up with ideas like these, why can’t the Padres come up with something similar? It’s really easy to do a Google Image search and find examples. Then you put your own spin on the ones you like.

Get with the times, Padres!

Just one request. Don’t ever do anything like this:

Do you have better ideas than mine? Tell me about it. MY BOBBLEHEAD LINE IS OPEN!

Follow The Ghost on Twitter, where he spends his waking hours championing the cause of getting McDonald’s to serve the McRib year round.

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