The last vestiges of Cary Chow’s reign of terror are finally gone from Fox Sports San Diego.

Nearly lost in all the hoopla last week of the Change the Padres video* was the announcement that Fox Sports San Diego had hired three new on-air talents. And, at the risk of sounding sexist and chauvinistic, they are — at the very least — easy on the eyes. That opinion has absolutely nothing at all to do with their obvious experience and qualifications, however.

*Meaning we ignored it like the bunch of dumbasses we are. We never claimed to be all that bright.

Laura McKeeman, Kelly Crull, Megan Olivi

Padres Public was invited to the Padres Awards Dinner on Thursday and our table just happened to be next to the Fox Sports San Diego table. So we got to introduce ourselves to Laura McKeeman, Kelly Crull and Megan Olivi. After we talked with Henry Ford, senior vice president/general manager of Fox Sports San Diego, that is. Because, you know, we’re kind of a big deal.**

**Not intended to be a factual statement. Like I said, we’re just a bunch of dumbasses who “write on the internet” and who just happened to get lucky enough to be invited.

Here’s a breakdown of each person’s roles in the new regime lineup:

  • Laura McKeeman will be doing most of the dugout reporting this season, taking over for Leila Rahimi. She will also fill-in occasionally as host of the Padres Live pregame and postgame shows. Laura comes from Fox Sports Florida, where she held a similar position on Tampa Bay Rays broadcasts. The fact that she’s dating Josh Rutledge of the Colorado Rockies should not be held against her. At least not until the Padres play the Rockies.
  • Kelly Crull will be the new host of Padres Weekly — replacing the reigning Queen of San Diego Sports, Annie Heilbrunn — while also handling some dugout reporting duties. Kelly was a sideline reporter and host for Fox Sports Southwest on Oklahoma City Thunder broadcasts.
  • Megan Olivi is going to be the new host of Padres POV and will be the Social Media Reporter during games. So when I tweet out some sarcastic stuff about how bad the Padres are playing during a game, Megan will be reporting it for all of you to see (Except those of you on Time Warner Cable. Why haven’t you switched, you jerks?). Megan is the host of the UFC’s “Fight Day,” along with working on various other Fox Sports programming.

At Saturday’s Friar Fest, Megan sought us out to include Padres Public in an eventual segment on Padres POV. At least, I assume it’s going to be on Padres POV. More than likely, it’s going to end up on the cutting room floor. We all have faces made for blogging, what with all of us living in our mothers’ basements and all.***

***Thank you, Nick Canepa, for that joke. By the way, who in San Diego actually has a basement? Vocal Minority and I really want to know. Tweet us pics of your basement to prove it. You can win a great big bowl of nothing!

We also gave Luigi some props. Megan was talking about meeting a lot of great Padres fans. I think it went something like this:

PP:  “Have you met Luigi yet?”

Megan:  “Not sure. We’ve met a lot of people so far today. Which one is he?”

PP:  “You obviously haven’t met Luigi yet.”

I’m excited for this season on Fox Sports SD now. And, no, it’s not just because they hired three attractive women. It’s because they hired three attractive women who know what they’re doing, are fully qualified to do it, and are excited to be in San Diego. Add to that the fact that everyone who doesn’t subscribe to Time Warner Cable can now watch the Padres and it’s at least going to be an interesting season.****

****Seriously. Why haven’t you switched from Time Warner yet, dummies?

That being said, I’m hoping we will be treated to a WWE Royal Rumble-style battle royale by the end of the season with the new talent and Annie Heilbrunn to determine who the new Queen of San Diego Sports will be. I dream big.

Think about it, Fox Sports San Diego. Ratings gold. Gold, I tells ya!*****

*****My money is still on Annie. Sorry about that, Laura, Kelly and Megan.

I’ve already forgotten old Cary What’s-His-Name. And has anybody heard from Britt McWhat’s-Her-Face lately?******

******You know I kid. Cary Chow‘s a cool dude, even though he works for the 4-letter network now. Better step up your reports on Tebow’s bowel movements, Cary. I know it’s somewhere in the fine print of your contract. But I am wondering what happened to Britt McHenry after her week on the job last spring.

And the countdown to certain people complaining about the hiring of three attractive (yet perfectly qualified for the job they were hired to do) women begins…NOW!

You can read the entire press release from Fox Sports San Diego here.

Follow The Ghost on Twitter: @GhostofRAK

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  • Wait until Megan meets Luigi. Her life never be the same.

  • I, for one, will not be complaining. Though, I do miss Scan the man. My wife, when she saw the promotional stuff for Fox Sports San Diego was like: “Oh! Now I know why you insisted on getting this channel.” Because these three were all over the place. That Megan IS dreamy… *sigh*. GO PADRES!

  • This post is up for awards: Best post ever by a dead person, or ghost, and is currently the all-time leader in multi-asterisk usage.

    He’s won awards, he’s got a sports blogging empire!

    Bleeping brilliant, seriously.

    • VM David

      Can we get a comment from an equestrian enthusiast? Our biathlon line is open for business! WHERE ARE YOUUUUUU, INTERNET?

      Don’t make us come rip out your modem!

    • I have never won any awards. Not even Ben Higgins’ Tweet of the Day. Doubt I ever will. I mean, have you even actually read this garbage?

      And I used all of those asterisks because I’m too dumb to use ^ or + or #.

  • Melvin

    “We all have faces made for blogging”

    Speak for yourself!

  • Tim Stoops

    I’m calling Cincinnati Bell to ask if I can trade Fox Sports Ohio for Fox Sports San Diego… wow!

  • Has Canepa ever made a “blogger in the basement” joke? Maybe you misread a Winston Churchill in a bomb shelter reference.

  • Is Megan still doing UFC? I want to know.

    • Ask her. I’m sure she’ll tell you. She’s pretty good at responding on Twitter.