10 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Andrew Cashner…Because I Made Them Up

San Diego Padres pitcher Andrew Cashner gets tangled up trying to catch a throwing ring during activity prior to batting practice warmups a baseball game in San Diego, Saturday, July 13, 2013.
(AP Photo/Lenny Ignelzi)

Padres pitcher Andrew Cashner had some memorable performances in 2014. Just imagine what he would have done if he hadn’t spent nearly 3 months on the disabled list or had some run support.

Well, A.J. Preller appears to have solved that run support problem, at least on paper, so it’s all on Cashner for 2015.

Inspired by a new Friarwire feature by Bill Center, here are ten things you probably didn’t know about Cashner. And you didn’t know them because they are totally not true. I completely made them up. If you believe that they could be even remotely factual, that’s your problem. Because as far as I know — I did no research — they are not at all.

  • Cashner spent much of his youth living with a pack of wolves in his home state of Texas. He was later befriended by a black bear and a jaquar.
  • He has to have the first piece of turkey every Thanksgiving. Or else.
  • Cashner didn’t make the varsity of his high school team until his senior season. He threw his high school baseball coach out of a 2nd-story window in retaliation.
  • Cashner was drafted by the MLB, NFL, NBA, MLS, NHL, World Team Tennis, and the LPGA.
  • He hit a housefly with an arrow from 50 yards away during Spring Training in 2014.
  • Cashner enjoys all outdoor activities and he once caught a 14-pound bass by just dipping his head into a lake and grabbing it with his teeth.
  • Teenage jobs included working in his family’s funeral home and mowing Orlando Hudson lawn.
  • During spring training with the Padres in 2012, Cashner threw a fastball clocked at 103.3 mph. That event caused three heart attacks and a stroke among San Diego sports radio personalities. Darren Smith is still recovering.
  • Cashner last season was the first Padres pitcher to ever throw up in the bullpen since Rich Folkers.
  • Cashner hunts the most dangerous game over the course of a week every Christmas.

There you have it. Ten completely made up things about Andrew Cashner. Again, if you believe that any of them are even remotely true, it’s purely coincidental.

I write something for Padres Public just about every week (during the season) and usually on Wednesday morning.  Since you’re likely already following me on Twitter, tell your friends, family, and well-wishers to follow me.  Give CornfedFriar a follow while you’re at it.

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