The Padres Are Blowing It: A nod to history, please!

Lately, we’ve talked a lot about the Padres’ promotional giveaway schedule here at Padres Public. While some of us are psychopathic hoarders, on their way to becoming case studies for an aspiring Ph.D. candidate, many of us are far more practical when it comes to collecting memorabilia.

I’ve spoken before about the importance of indoctrination and the role a parent plays in creating Padre fans. Part of the process however, also includes the organization itself. They must want to create fans. If they give away a lot of historical memorabilia it will create talking points between parent and child. The amazing thing is that the Padres, despite never winning a championship, throwing a no hitter, or hitting for the cycle, have a pretty interesting history.

These are my suggestions for bobblehead themes that could be used during any given season. I’m not an artist, just an idea man. You’ll have to use your mind’s beautifully creative eye to imagine an incarnation of the bobblehead suggested. Ready? Let’s go!

Front Office Executives

Chub Feeney – On September 24th, 1988 the Padres president flipped the bird to some critical fans walking through Jack Murphy Stadium carrying a “Scrub Chub” sign. Immortalize the former NL and Padres president with a . . . bobblearm? A figurine with an arm that bobbles, middle finger fully extended, would be great.

Jack McKeon – The architect of the 1984 team deserves a bobblehead. How about “Trader Jack” with his hand on a box with the contents listed as: Anywhere but SD!

Kevin Towers : Towers presided over a good number of wins in Padres history and he is currently ruining the Diamondbacks. A bobblehead in Gunslinger garb would be amazing.

Sandy Alderson – Trevor Hoffman’s career came to a contentious end in San Diego. I recall a famous quote from Sandy Alderson during one of his appearances with Darren Smith: “Not on my watch!” I want to see a bobblehead wagging its finger. Push a button and hear him say, “Not on my watch!”

Honorable Mention:

Tom Garfinkel – Garf has only been here a few years but I wouldn’t mind seeing a bobblehead of the Chief, serving a platter of waffles, omelets, and home fries in one hand and holding a massive pitcher of  Ballast Point Big Eye IPA in the other. San Diego: Breakfast and Beer.

Announcers

Matt Vasgersian and Mud Grant: Everyone loves Matt and Mud. Bonus points for a bobblehead scene with a drunk Rick Sutcliffe hanging over their shoulders.

Jerry Coleman – The Colonel has a statue. It’s high time for a bobblehead.

Bob Chandler – Bob Chandler has been around since before the Padres came to the NL. And he’s written a book!

Ted Leitner – The dean of Padres broadcasting needs a bobblehead. Imagine Ted pontificating as his head bobbles and you push a button on his figurine that says, “Uhhhh . . . .”

Trade Deadline Acquisitions of Insignificance

Joe Randa: Everyone’s favorite third baseman to arrive in July: Joe Randa! Voted top newcomer by the Madres in 2005.

Todd Walker: Everyone’s second favorite third baseman to arrive in July: Todd Walker! Walker was never a third baseman but that didn’t stop the Gunslinger from acquiring him.

Ryan Ludwick: In 2010 the Padres were one way. And then Ryan Ludwick arrived and they were another.

Randy Myers: The Padres went to the World Series the year they acquired Myers. Isn’t that all we need to say?

In all seriousness, the Padres have had some players bring home the hardware, from Cy Young awards to MVPs and Batting Titles . . .

It’s a Major Award

CY Young Awards: Randy Jones, Gaylord Perry, Mark Davis and Jake Peavy have each been named the NLs best pitcher during the regular season. Honor them.

Batting Championships: Tony Gwynn (8 of them) nearly hit .400 in ’94 and Gary Sheffield, while winning a Batting Championship, nearly hit for the Triple Crown in 1992.

Most Valuable Player: Ken Caminiti, the eventual MVP, carried the ’96 Padres to the NL West Championship.

Too serious? Alright . . .

Bobblehead Demolition Night

Doug Mirabelli and Jack Clark with arms wrapped around each other, heads-a-bobbling.

At the end of the game we take them all out to the park at the park and have a bonfire. Nothing could go wrong! Not when your Master of Ceremonies is . . . Mr. Padre, Tony Gwynn.

That could be dangerous. We could go with the obvious staple of San Diego . . .

A Proud Tradition of Closers

Provided without comment because of obviousness (and I have to go to work):

Rollie Fingers/Goose Gossage/Mark Davis /Trevor Hoffman

Honorable Mentions:

Heath Bell and Rod Beck

Look, some of these may work and others may be a bit too irreverent but there’s no denying the history that exists. Let’s see some history.

And also have Bobblehead Demolition night.

What did I miss?

I contribute to Padres Public on Thursday mornings and when I’m feeling particularly inspired. I can also be found on twitter at @AvengingJM where I offer bite size chunks of glass 7 days a week.

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  • I never thought about it before but it is kind of surprising that Jerry Coleman hasn’t gotten a bobblehead yet. Or at least a keychain like the Rizzuto one George Costanza had, except it says “Oh, Doctor!” when you squeeze it.

    • Awesome!

    • SDPads1

      I have a Matty V bottle opener that plays a “Santa Maria” call when you use it.

  • Where’s the Owners Series?

    You bastard.

  • I’d like to see RAK yelling into the PA system mic. Also I prefer Kevin Towers as a Dumpster Diver instead of a Gunslinger

    • Literally climbing into a dumpster? I like it!

      • VM David

        Dumpster diving? I’m offended!

      • Would you prefer Dempster Diving?

      • Gloccamorra

        Compromise by using the real name: Dempster-Dumpster!

    • Dumpster diving in a Hawaiian print shirt, pls.

  • I’d go broke chasing down a Swinging Friar series. Surfer Friar, Franken Friar, Mamma Friar.

  • VM David

    Jerry as a manager or broadcaster? Broadcaster is obvious, and probably the right call. However, even though the managerial stint wasn’t very successful, it works in the more traditional bobblehead sense. He definitely should have a bobblehead, though.

    • SDPads1

      There was a Jerry Coleman bobblehead given out at a bank in San Diego a few years back. He is in broadcaster form. But the only Jerry things I can think of that the Padres have given out at games were the “face on a stick”& a coin in his military gear

    • As a soldier, you commie.

  • VM David

    Oh, and since our blog has a theme of comparing the Padres to the Indians lately, they are doing a series of historical giveaways this season. Joey Belle, Omar Vizquel, Rocky Colavito, throwback gear.

  • Tim Stoops

    How about Benito Santiago throwing a runner out from his knees while wearing #09?

    • VM David

      Love it. How about a diving Khalil Greene, Caminiti throwing out a someone from his ass, or Joyner saving an errant Caminiti throw?

      • “How about a diving Khalil Greene?”
        Not a bobblehead but I’ve got this:

  • How dare you leave Dave Hansen out of the trade deadline acquisition series! 😡

  • I’d fork out some pennies for a Milton Bradley bobble getting suplexed by Bud Black. And for Mirabelli, maybe him in a taxi in vacation clothes?

    Ooh, Jerry Coleman riding a shooting star?

    And my personal favorite: Matt Bush in prison clothes screaming “I’m Matt F**king BUSH!”

  • Flan Man in full uniform holding a surfboard. It must be done.