Ramblings: The Waiting Game Blows

The highlight of the season is upon us. Sit back, and enjoy A.J. Preller’s cocaine binge. Ramblings:

  • It’s smart baseball to try and get the best possible package of players in any trade. It’s what I hope Preller and company are doing, not settling for anything. On the other hand, COME ONNNNNNNNNNNN. Toss us a goddamn bone. Give us something, anything to discuss. Listen, I love rumors (Christoph Waltz voice), but the constant frustration of going through seven hours worth of tweets and not a single fucking trade going down is exhausting. I deserve to be rewarded, goddammit, it’s my right as a fan and American.
  • I realize that shortstop should be priority numbers 1, 2, 3, and 4, but third base is kind of trash too. I put the air in the tires of the Jedd Gyorko bandwagon, but if they could upgrade the infield (regardless of position) I’m all for it.
  • How fucking deluded is this ownership? Every report regarding the team and the deadline suggests they’re sellers, but they’re still insisting they plan on spending in the offseason because LOOK HOW BIG ¬†OUR COCKS GET WITH VIAGRA. They’re handcuffing their general manager with these comments, even if everyone knows it’s bullshit (well, except them). They’ve somehow successfully shifted the media narrative in their favor, making Preller their fall-guy in the process. “Hey, we spent a fuckload of money! LOOK.” They’re as much, if not more, responsible for the hole the team’s in than anybody else.
  • I’m perfectly fine with keeping Justin Upton for the rest of the season. This team’s going to play itself out of a protected pick anyway (oh, it’s going to fucking happen), so might as well recoup the comp pick and bet on yourself (we’re doomed).
  • What is with all these teams not wanting to part with prospects for good players. These impostors wall themselves contenders, but they ain’t shit. That goes for Toronto, too. Who cares if you can hit, you still can’t pitch for shit. The Jays need a Big Game Pitcher, preferably with the first name that rhymes with Game so as to make a lazy nickname.
  • Remember when the Rockies were rebuilding The Right Way? LOL fuck ’em.
  • Yo release Shawn Kelley immediately.
  • Matt Kemp’s been really good, so that’s something.
  • Brandon Maurer for Cy Young.
  • OK that’s enough Padres. True Detective time!
  • FINALLY. Listen, I never really cared if True Detective was good or not. That was more of a bonus. Last season was great because of the two leads, but show itself was ehhhhhhhhhh. It’s good, but overrated. Most importantly, though, it was entertaining and hilarious and EXTREME. Nothing was ever out of the realm of possibility with these dudes, and that’s how I felt about Sunday’s episode.
  • Before we get to Ray’s coke binge, can we talk about the scene with him and his wife’s rapist. Dear God, please give us an episode where Ray gets his hands on this motherfucker. I don’t think Frank set him up, mostly because he’s an incompetent jackass whose tough guy act is weaker than Ron Fowler’s personal mute button (#ShutUpRonFowler). Ray ain’t done killin’ or tweakin’, which gives the show hope.
  • Yeah, I know there’s only two episodes left. Eat me.
  • It’s seems very odd to introduce something as significant as Ani being sexually abused as a child so late in the season. There are way too many cooks on this show, and the eight episode season does it no favors. This probably should’ve been touched on at the start of the season. Everything was done way too sloppy and hastily. The show essentially wasted the first half of season on Frank. Ugh.
  • WHO IS STAN??????
  • It’s about fucking time the show got the cartel involved. Hat tip, future showrunners and writers: always introduce the cartel sooner rather than later. Shit will always get more interesting. I have no idea what role these fools play in all this, but I can’t wait to find out.
  • Give Paul Woodrugh a gun and place him in a life threatening situation and he suddenly becomes Captain fucking America. Fuck yeah, Paul.
  • Remember Birdman? Of course you fucking don’t because this show is terrible. I think I figured out who he is: Ray’s old boss in Vinci, the one who went to his house and basically evicted him. He has access to riot gear, which was what he shot Ray with, and he’s probably on some rich dude’s payroll in charge of collecting dirty tapes, or whatever.
  • Predictions for the last two episodes: Ani kills her dad who is somehow connected to all this, Ray beats the shit out of at least three more people, Chad realizes that Friends is mostly bullshit after the fourth season.

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