Ramblings: Relievers Aren’t Real People

It’s been a couple weeks since I last posted. Some of it had to do with a busy schedule, but mostly it was because I ran out of things to talk about. But whoa hey look at all the shit that’s gone down! It’s like the Padres threw me a lifeline while still attempting to drown me. Just an FYI I will be giving my thoughts  on True Detective towards the end, so if that’s not your thing, I don’t give a fuck. Let’s ramble!

  • OK so about yesterday. The best way to be a good teammate and to get back at the team that just showed you is to beat them. That’s it. Anything else, like throwing at them or talking shit, is just stupid and petty. Especially with the fucking Giants, who are the goddamn worst. Don’t give them any more ammunition. And who the fuck put Shawn Kelley in charge of doing the shit talking? Did he do that on his own, or was Dale Thayer all “Dude, I need to know you have my back. Call Sanchez a bitch or something. Do it FOR MY HONOR.” Pitchers who give up grand slams then toss their gum at the hitter don’t deserve to be stood up for. Do it your goddamn self, and don’t get angry at a guy for bat flipping after hitting a grand slam. If it were me I would’ve pimp walked around the bases using the bat as a cane.
  • Did I mention that the Giants are the worst? Fuck I hate the Giants.
  • I’m not sure how much of the five-game winning streak was real, whatever “real” means, but I enjoyed it. It’s more fun rooting for wins than it is rooting for losses, except when Stephen Strasburg is in the following year’s draft. Then it’s a kick in the balls.
  • (sorry)
  • Saw this on Twitter yesterday (might have been Nate from Vocal Minority IDK I’m too lazy to check), but I’m all for trading Justin Upton and signing him in the offseason. He supposedly loves San Diego (who doesn’t?) and I like talented ballplayers who like playing for my favorite team (yes I know he wants to stay in SD so long as they pay him the most money; let me dream).
  • The All-Star logo was whatever. I mean, it’s not terrible, but it’s not exciting. It’s very… Padres. I am looking forward to how they use yellow, because yellow is a dope and underrated color. Unless it’s on a Starburst. In that case fuck yellow.
  • The explanation for the colors, though? My God. BATTLESHIP GREY. You can actually hear Michael Bay masturbating to the thought of making that his next movie title. Who the fuck is in charge of naming these colors, and do they really need names? Like, I’m almost pissed they didn’t go with red. Robbed us of a bitchin’ explanation, IMO. If the Padres were any more militarized, they’d be the police.
  • I would trade Trea Turner and Joe Ross for Wil Myers again in a fucking heartbeat.
  • Tyson Ross, James Shields, and Brandon Maurer are the only pitchers I wouldn’t trade. That’s right, I’m shilling for a reliever. Ignore the title of this post. Brandon Maurer  is an All-Star who will return this franchise to glory.
  • OK that’s enough about the Padres. True Detective spoilers from here on out.
  • This show is garbage and everyone involved should be ashamed. How the fuck do you not put Ray Velcoro in a every scene. It’s like batting a dude with a 175 wRC+ sixth in the order. When he puts on his gloves, I lock my door and turn the volume all the way up. Somebody is about to get FUCKED UP, and suddenly the show is watchable. Colin Farrell deserves better.
  • My biggest problem with this season is, save for Ray, I just don’t care about any of these people. I don’t care that Paul’s an alcoholic who’s stuck in the closet and hates his mother and is marrying his pregnant ex girlfriend because hey why the fuck not. I don’t care about Ani and her kinkiness and cult upbringing (that scene last week where she’s at group therapy should’ve been hilarious, instead I started playing with my phone).
  • And then there’s Frank. UGGHHHHH. This fucking guy. He goes around places with his hand out begging for money and crying poor like a fucking scrub. Jeff Moorad is laughing at him. I particularly liked when he took offense to being called a gangster. YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY, BRO.
  • Oh, and what the fuck happened to the dude in the bird costume? You can’t introduce a character like that then not so much as follow up. I want to know more about this person. How fucked up is he/she? Why did they let Ray live? WHY A BIRD?
  • I hate this season for robbing us of last season’s opening credits.
  • I’ll stick with the show for the last three episodes. I mean at this point why the hell not. I hope it gets better, but I’m not optimistic.

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