The Padres have been really bad through two games. Like, historically bad. We literally haven’t seen a baseball team suck this bad through two games in almost a hundred fucking years. Let’s break down all the bad stuff and how much worse it’s going to get!
Quick note: If you’ve never read Ramblings (lucky bastard), I’m too lazy to write a well-constructed blog post, so I just spit out all my opinions via bullet points. If you read something you disagree with, you’re probably wrong.
- It’s two games (TWO GAMES), so we shouldn’t overreact to anything, no matter how humiliatingly painful it’s been to watch. They faced the best pitcher on the planet and another really good one in Scott Kazmir. The Padres could win their next eight games (don’t laugh) and nobody would even remember the shit heap we just watched, except for those assholes who think great uniforms (more on those later!) were to blame. Let’s relax and see how they perform in a larger sample size.
- Ok now that that bullshit’s out of the way, holy fucking shit this team sucks. I think the anger from the fans is justified. It feels more like a boiling point after a dormant offseason that saw the best player leave and no one was acquired to replace him. No upgrades were made to the rotation or the everyday lineup. They got a new manager who says the right things all the time, but that’s pretty much it.
- And you know what? That would’ve been totally fine! At least with me. I get it, you’re gonna suck for a while, but the farm system’s gonna be great and we’re gonna zero in on Latin America and Asia like crazy. Instead ownership boasted all offseason like 16 year olds who just had their cherries popped. There’s no definitive plan in place, at least not one they want to tell us. And now after months and months of talking about how they’re going to over-perform and build and whatever the fuck else, we see the first glimpse of a team they think could surprise people get its teeth kicked in by an actual baseball team. It’s the worst possible start they could have had considering how angry fans already were, confirmation that all our concerns and criticism was justified.
- Now, are they going to be this bad all season? Of course not! They’re going to eventually score some runs. Shit, they even win a few games. I’ll go as far and say they’ll get to double-digit wins; maybe this month! I hope everybody’s horribly wrong about this team and they win 90 games and make the playoffs. I just wish that wasn’t also ownership’s strategy.
- Fox Sports San Diego is as insufferable as ever. Fuck whoever decided it was a good idea to have Mark Sweeney randomly pop in during the broadcast. Dick Enberg sounds bored and exhausted; I showed more interest in class the week before Spring Break. Mark Grant is just trying to survive, man; there’s only so many times you can describe a routine double-play or an infield single or oh god where’s the morphine. I look forward to Don Orsillo taking over in July.
- Said this already on Twitter (follow me!), but if Jabari Blash isn’t going to start against lefties, might as well send him back to Seattle. He’s basically worthless as an extra outfielder because he brings no defensive value. Give 500 at-bats and see what happens. They literally have nothing to lose. We already know what Jon Jay and Melvin Upton are (mehhhhhhhhh).
- Speaking of Jay, what the fuck. He’s looked like trash in center field, but at least he has a hit! Manuel Margot can’t get here soon enough.
- Alexei Ramirez has the arm strength of an amputee.
- Those brown uniforms were GORGEOUS. Perfect cap, too. I can’t wait until they go brown full-time next year, although I do hope they keep a blue/yellow/white alternant. I love this year’s home jersey.
- Oh, and where are the yellow sleeves? Like 90 percent of why I was excited for the yellow was for the sleeve. God these dudes are boring. Kudos to Derek Norris for the awesome catching gear, though. He looked fantastic.
- I have no opinion of Andy Green other than I hope he’s got some strong weed.