Ramblings and Other Nonsense

I went to my first (of hopefully many) Padres game of the season last night at Dodger Stadium. It was a pretty damn entertaining game, and I had a lot of thoughts I wanted to get out of my head. Since I’m too lazy to try and organize it in a coherent post, I figured I’d just write it all out in bullet points or something. So here goes.

  • I said this on Twitter yesterday, but Wil Myers can fill out a fucking uniform. He wears a jersey like Don Draper wears a suit. TV does not do him justice. Between him, Kemp, Justin and Middlebrooks, the Padres have some serious beef cake. It’s too bad they traded Maybin, otherwise I wouldn’t have made to July.
  • Derek Norris is fast? Derek Norris is fast! Who knew! I mean, I’m sure some people knew and for whatever reason didn’t tell us. My friend initially noticed Norris’ speed when he grounded out to third, and hot damn that dude can get down the line. He also threw out a runner and had a huge double, but that speed, man.
  • Yonder had three (!!!) hits, and they were the most Yonder base hits ever. If he hangs onto the first base job he’s gonna have more singles than a stripper. I’ve grown fond of Yonder. Everything he does is hilarious. I imagine he fist bumps himself every time he successfully pours cereal.
  • That Yasiel Puig throw. THAT FUCKING YASIEL PUIG THROW ARE YOU KIDDING ME. My jaw literally dropped when that shit happened. How is that throw even possible. I was beside myself and didn’t know what to do. Should I have become a Dodgers fan out of principle? I felt like I owed him that much. “I feel so spoiled because he does that every game,” my friend said as I struggled to find the right words to describe what just happened. Dick.
  • Not sure how I got this far without mentioning Tyson Ross. He makes awkward look graceful, like a jump shooter with a terrible form but who’s actually pretty good. I’m not sure how concerned I should be about him laboring the third time through the lineup, but things got away from him quick. I know the umpire sucked, but Ross got away with a some really bad pitches. Still, if that’s his worst or him being sub-par, I’ll take it.
  • I’ve completely changed my mind on the Kimbrel trade, mostly because I’m a whore for stuff and velocity. My god, it was like watching a Terminator fight an algebra teacher. Poor Joc Pederson did not deserve that. Ethier probably did, though.
  • Gyorko’s a really solid defender and I think he’ll be fine offensively.
  • Bud crosses his arms like a guy ready to get a full refund on some shady light bulbs he bought at Home Depot.
  • Either Cashner’s hair goes or he does. This can no longer be tolerated.
  • Dodger fans were whistling during Kemp’s at-bats, which was annoying as shit. I didn’t really get the reference, if there was one at all. At one point, some middle-aged dude began screaming Rihanna lyrics during his at-bats. I’m not talking just chorus, though, I’m talking full on entire Ri-Ri songs.
  • Fuck blue. Fuck these uniforms. Bring back the brown.

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  • John Virissimo

    Good stuff, great bullet points.

  • Mapes

    I remember staring at Derek Norris for longer than I would like to admit while at an A’s game last year while he was in the squat. Talk about filling out a uniform. He’s pretty stacked in that mountain man type way.

  • Sac Bunt Chris

    I don’t know how you can mention Padre beefcake without Quentin in the sentence.

  • Sac Bunt Chris

    Also I love this blog post.