Some shit went down in the last week with the Padres. By rule someone has to write about it. Let’s ramble.

  • Someone needs to get fired the next time the Padres lay down a bunt at Coors Field. I don’t care who. I want a body. Jesus fucking Christ. We’ve seen what this offense is capable of, and they still have the balls to try and pull that shit. Plus, IT’S COORS FIELD, BRO. Weak AF.
  • I don’t know what Glenn Hoffman’s deal is but he better get his shit together quick.
  • The Bryan Price stuff was pretty hilarious overall and It got me thinking: what would it take for Bud Black to finally snap? Go ahead and answer in the comments section. I can’t imagine Buddy going off on Dennis or Corey or whomever. Especially if Center’s there. No one fucks with #SezBill.
  • Austin Hedges is… hitting???? It’s still really early and small sample size and blah blah blah. .343/.439/.629. BAH GOD, KANG. Those numbers are sustainable and you can’t convince me otherwise.
  • Speaking of attractive prospects, how much time should the San Diego media spend covering Trea Turner. Yes, he’s technically still a Padre, but he’s gone in June or whenever. Feels like a waste, and also kind of trolling. I’m not telling people how to do their jobs, but I need more Michael Gettys in my life.
  • Yangervis Solarte is some fans’ favorite Padre right now based solely on their distaste for Jedd Gyorko. I’ll ride on the Gyorko bandwagon until it veers off a cliff into a river (we’re getting close), but Solarte did this last year with the Yankees before crashing down to earth when he got more playing time. I don’t think he’s a bad player by any means. I just think he’s overrated. Plus I don’t think many are considering the reason he’s playing so well could be because of how he’s being used as a pinch hitter/spot starter. Let him play shortstop for awhile. I mean, they’re already punting on defense anyway. They should go all in, imo.
  • WE HAVE A QB CONTROVERSY!!! Finally, after all these years I thought we’d never get another one. Buy some kettle corn and put your feet up as Twitter begins eating itself as people try to figure out what hell happens when Ian Kennedy comes back. Shit like this is why I miss Josh Byrnes. A decisive leader would know what to do in this situation, unlike AJ Preller, who is clearly dodging the body account in front of him. I don’t know who goes to the bullpen, but I really, really, really fucking hope they don’t try a six-man rotation. Why would you take away starts from Shields and Ross? You’re not about to deny me more chances to watch T-Ross’ slider. I’ll cut a bitch. This is a great problem to have. It’s not like Cashner and Morrow aren’t still here. Despaigne’s gonna get his starts, one way or another.
  • Will Middlebrooks is hitting .286/.318/.714 with a 180 OPS+ since I called him an asshole last week. The Padres should hire me as life coach.
  • Derek Norris is the only Padre allowed to keep his beard. I officially pardon him.

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