I came across some information a couple of days ago. I can’t give you the context in which I found the information because that would ruin the exercise I am about to propose. It’s actually a game. A game that will test your weird-Padres-knowingness. Are you ready? Excellent.
OK. I’ll provide you with quotes that include the names of former Padres. The quotes will be direct. We want to see what you know. The first quotes you see will be difficult and they will become gradually (abruptly?) more easy as we go. When you feel like you know the correct season make a mental note (and be honest!) and then continue reading.
By the end of the post you will have the correct answer. Go to the comments section and log your guess and subsequent Intelligence Ranking . . . if there’s any intelligence at all.
“Desperately attempting to find some success in their bullpen, the Padres recalled Tim Scott from triple-A Las Vegas late Saturday”
Rainman – You Are A Big Fan of K-Mart. And Wapner
Seriously? You already know the year based off a Tim Scott reference? You are a freak show of the Ducksnorts variety.
“If [Pat] Clements is not claimed by another major league team by 2 p.m. EDT on Thursday, he becomes a free agent. At that point, the Padres can sign him to a triple-A contract but could not recall him for 30 days.”
Four Star Friar Savant – You Eat Your Boogers
A lefty reliever used sparingly over the span of a few seasons . . . you’re good. Real good.
“Scott was with the Padres from May 6 through June 2, compiling a 1-0 record and 7.36 ERA in seven games. He was the losing pitcher in Sunday’s 4-3, 10-inning Padre loss to Montreal.”
Three Star Friar Savant – You Merely Examine Your Boogers
Ooh! Ooh! A time frame clue! While the window has been opened, you still have mad skills if you guessed it right here.
“Outfielder Kevin Ward, who suffered back spasms Saturday night, was stiff but available to pinch-hit Sunday.”
Two Star Friar Savant – You Are Afraid Of Boogers
A mere 125 games over two seasons. Where art thou, Kevin Ward? Where art thou? Maybe this should get you a higher rating.
“Pitcher Dave Eiland, who sprained an ankle Saturday, should be able to make his next scheduled start, according to Day.”
Gifted – You Eat Lunch By Yourself
Dave “No Man is an” Eiland? A Chris Berman reference! I recall a time when I really enjoyed Chris Berman. There’s no shame in garnering this rating – Eiland only appeared in 17 games for the Padres.
Tony Gwynn (lower back strain) took batting practice before Sunday’s game. Padre trainer Bob Day said Gwynn should be back “within the next couple of days.”
Gifted Grade 2 – You Eat Lunch With Two Friends. There Is Very Little Conversation
The Gwynn window has been opened. But that’s a pretty big window – 80s, 90s, or 00s? And he’s injured. Hmmm.
“Outfielder Darrin Jackson had a sore shoulder after banging into the fence Saturday night. Day said Jackson’s status is day-to-day.”
Gifted Grade 3 – Occasionally Girls Will Say Hi To You As You Eat Lunch With Your Two Friends Who You Are Not Talking To.
Holy Crap! A Darrin Jackson reference. This narrows it down for me.
“When Fred McGriff hit a home run Sunday, it was the fourth game in a row in which he hit a homer. It was the first time in his career that happened . . .”
Over-Achiever – There Is Nothing Innately Special About You Aside From Your Effort
And with the emergence of the Crime Dog, depending on your age, you have narrowed this down to a three year window. Assuming you aren’t a freakshow who guessed correctly 3oo words ago.
“Official scorer Phil Collier changed Marquis Grissom’s eighth-inning single on Saturday night to an error on Padre shortstop Tony Fernandez.”
Under-Achiever – You Have No Job. You Still Play Video Games.
I didn’t know Phil Collier was an official scorer. Marquis Grissom and Tony Fernandez in the same sentence equals too much Canada for me to handle.
And finally, third baseman Gary Sheffield sprained his left middle finger Sunday.
“The way I feel right now, I’m going to miss (Monday’s) game,” Sheffield said
Fine The Way You Are – Although You’re Likely Bitter . . . And That’s OK.
The Padres traded away the former batting champion in his age 24 season. Eat that with your morning coffee.
How weird are you? Don’t be shy.
The other day I went searching for something that Scott Miller had recently written about the Padres being broke. In fact, he had written it that morning so I figured it would pop-up first when I googled “Scott Miller Padres” but it did not. It was weird. What did pop-up in the search was also weird considering Scott Miller writes a lot about the Padres. The third article listed was from The Los Angeles Times ~ July 6th, 1992. Weird. A column from 1992 pops up third? It’s just weird.
You’re weird. I’m weird. We’re all weird.
I contribute to Padres Public on Thursday mornings and when I’m feeling particularly inspired. I can also be found on twitter at @AvengingJM where I offer bite size chunks of not-goat cheese 7 days a week.