Moderately horrible things to say about the Padres on a Thursday

Do you remember when the Padres played the Royals back on Monday and somehow managed to eek out a win in 12 innings against Yordano Ventura? It feels like an eon ago. As a result of that game my body incurred an inappropriate level of sleep debt, a debt which my body has yet to pay off.

Since that game, the last 20 innings of Padres baseball have been a blur. I’ve been told of craziness on the base paths, fielding errors to excess, a dearth of runs, Cameron Maybin who actually had the runs, and T-Rex. T-Rex? Weird.

My glass feels half-empty right now and I’m gonna run with it. Join me on the dark side . . .

In the 2014 Baseball Prospectus Geoff Young wrote the following about Carlos Quentin:

Quentin is baseball’s Wile E. Coyote, forever pursuing that elusive season . . . If the National League adopts the designated hitter rule and he avoids anvils, he’ll be fine – until he runs off a cliff and looks down.

Carlos Quentin ran off the proverbial cliff long ago. To listen to the Padres and FSSD hype his return is a cruel joke to all those who know all too well that Quentin’s return will only signify the countdown to his next DL trip.

If I may flip GY’s player comment, I’d like to set it up like this: We, the fans of San Diego, are Wile E. Coyote always getting hit in the head with an anvil or some other flying object. Just as we get a smile on our face thinking that a strong bat might return to the line-up and provide some sort of spark to a terrible offense – boom – we’re hit with an anvil. That anvil is Carlos Quentin and the ever constant news that his balky knees are acting up again.

The best thing that could happen at this point is Carlos Quentin reaches his limit of frustration with his uncooperative body and hangs ’em up. Just walks away from the game and moves on to the next part of his life.

Coming off of a season in which Yonder Alonso battled wrist and hand injuries, Geoff Young had this to say about the 27 year-old first baseman:

This year is critical for Alonso, whose career .395 SLG is acceptable for a shortstop but won’t let him start at first base much longer.

What is the best piece of news you’ve received this season? Think about it for a moment.

If you have a better answer than, Yasmani Grandal is starting at first base in place of Yonder Alonso, then please insert it into the comments section. That singular event is tacit acknowledgment that Yonder Alonso is not the answer at first base and that Josh Byrnes has conceded it as fact. This makes me happy. It also means that Byrnes pretty much traded Mat Latos for Yasmani Grandal. This makes me sad.

Yonder Alonso is currently slugging .225 – more sadness.

My favorite player in 2013 was Everth Cabrera. Geoff Young wrote this in the BP annual:

The switch-hitter, whose game centers on reaching base and running wild, made better contact in 2013 and raised his OPS against left-handers by more than 400 points. Cabrera is a capable shortstop, occasionally making spectacular plays and last year improving his reliability.

The things that made Cabrera awesome last year are gone in 2014. He’s not reaching base (.267 OBP), he’s not running wild because, well, he’s not getting on base, and his OPS against lefties is .681 compared to .934 in 2013. Oh yea, he made 2 errors yesterday to bring his season total to 6. He had 6 errors in 95 games last season.

I could do this all day long.

I could tell you that Jose Fernandez is pitching tomorrow night and remind you that the Padres passed on him to take light hitting Cory Spangenberg. But you don’t need that.

I could tell the sabermetrically inclined fans that the Padres’ wRC+ is 72 and that their fWAR is -0.1 but it’s Thursday and that news is too painful heading into a weekend.

I could tell the fans who prefer the more traditional stats that the Padres’ slash-line is .220/.272/.334 but doing so is like striking one in the groin with a closed fist. That’s assault, brother!

I could explain that the Padres have the 7th highest K% (22.3) in all of MLB yet they’re 2nd to last in HRs (19). It’s not supposed to work that way, you say? I say, I never said a thing to you about these statistics. Because I’m a nice person so I’ve chosen to stay quiet. Quiet!

Look, this is nothing but an assault on your senses, and you need something positive to anchor your wayward soul – so here you go: The announcer for the El Paso Chihuahuas, Tim Hagerty, wrote a book about the origins of goofy MiLB names. It’s called, Root for the Home Team: Minor League Baseball’s Most Off-the-Wall Team Names and the Stories Behind Them, and you can buy it here. Billy Ripken wrote the foreword. You’re welcome.

Baseball is a weird game so maybe, by some act of God, the Padres will figure out a way to deal with the high octane pitching staff the Marlins will throw at our Pads. And maybe they won’t.


I contribute to Padres Public on Thursday mornings and when I’m feeling particularly inspired by yellow, mushy, replacement ligaments. I can also be found on twitter at @AvengingJM. The dusty archives of AJM are located at

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  • ItsDis

    The Yonder/ss thing is really just a justification to play him at SS at some point soon.

    • pat

      Well, theoretically, that would solve the Cabrera problem, too.

  • Sac Bunt Chris

    There are a lot of reasons to be pessimistic about the Padres but that ri-god-damn-diculous 2011 draft isn’t one of them. It might have been the best draft in Padres history.

    Holy hell:

    • pat

      I’ll believe it when I see it at the major league level.

    • Change the Padres

      It SHOULD be the greatest draft in team history, seeing as they had five first round picks and there was no cap on spending/penalty for going over slot.

      Spangenberg, (J) Ross, Michael Kelly, Brett Austin, and Jace Peterson isn’t exactly a breathtaking haul for five first round picks.

      Also, as pat has said, I’ll believe it when I see it.

    • Three words: Jose Fucking Fernandez

  • USMC53

    Latos for Grandal might turn out as a pretty decent trade over the long haul.
    Latos is out with forearm issues. As we’ve all seen, those can ramp up pretty fast and ruin a career.
    Grandal might end up being a long-term mainstay at 1B or C.