Jesus Guzman Learns From His Gross Display of Exuberance

On Tuesday night Jesus Guzman hit a 2 run homer at AT&T Park to give the Padres a short lived lead over the San Francisco Giants. Hitting the HR was great. I mean, I thought it was great. I was excited. The problem with my excitement however was that it was more subdued than the excitement exhibited by Jesus Guzman as he broke into his HR trot.

Let’s break down this ugly display of excitement . . 

Picture 1

Jesus Guzman is admiring his blast but it’s OK because everyone is looking to deep CF to see if the ball cleared the wall. And it did.

Picture 3

Now eyes will be returning to Jesus Guzman.

Picture 4

Jesus Guzman is still holding his bat. He’s kinda far down the baseline. What is he doing?

Picture 5

Oh, crap . . . he’s jumping. Jesus Guzman is jumping. It’s not Game 6 of the 1993 World Series and Jesus Guzman is jumping. Oh, God. He also appears to be yelling. Guzman is yelling. We have a yeller.

The one good thing about Jesus Guzman’s celebration is that he is not facing Jeremy Affeldt while he does it – I mean that would be pretty jerky. And AT&T always sells out so I’m sure nobody can hear Guzman’s howls.

Picture 6

Jesus Guzman may or may not have jumped again. OK he did.

***

If we fast forward to Wednesday afternoon, to Jesus Guzman’s first at bat of the game, we see that the Giants did indeed take umbrage with Guzman’s reckless happiness. Madison Bumgarner, Chief of Umbrage Taking, let it be known with the first pitch of the AB that you’re only allowed to be happy after you’ve won the World Series and then proceeded to fire a fastball behind Guzman’s buttocks. This cleared the benches.

Picture 28

After the teams said good afternoon to one another and exchanged pushes, like only baseball players can do, order was restored. The Giants had established their organization as the arbiter of proper displays of emotion and it was time for the game to continue. After benches were warned the at-bat continued and Jesus Guzman flew out.

Then in the 7th inning, with the Padres and Giants tied at 1 run a piece, Jesus Guzman dug-in against his foe, Madison Bumgarner. Jesus ripped into one that easily cleared the wall in left field putting the Padres ahead 2-1.

Now what? How would Jesus Guzman handle his HR trot? Would he show evolution as a man or remain a ridiculously happy, jumper-yeller-type?

Let’s see . . .

Picture 7

Nice swing. What next?

Picture 8

Jesus Guzman is NOT admiring his HR – it hasn’t even cleared the wall yet.

Picture 10

OK, it’s gone. Crap. He still has his bat. There may be fireworks the next time these teams meet. Why is Jesus Guzman so insensitive? I should re-title this post.

Picture 11

There we go!

No jumping. No yelling. Just traditional fist pumping.

When the Giants wrote the unwritten rules on celebrating they deemed all fist pumps and finger pointing to the heavens to be unobtrusive actions generally accepted by humanity in the heat of battle.

Picture 12

Aw, dammit. Jesus just yelled, thus vocalizing happiness. And it looks like Jesus Guzman channeled the energy of Tuesday night’s first jump into a low-five-hand-slap which he then transferred into the palm of Dave Roberts. Dave Roberts now hates Jesus Guzman. Home runs only serve to make the first base coach obsolete and, DAMN, his hand hurts.

Picture 13

And Tuesday night’s second jump just coursed through Glenn Hoffman’s hand. Glenn Hoffman now hates Jesus Guzman.

This incident between the Padres and Giants is likely over. But as penance for his overly exuberant hand slaps Jesus Guzman faces the very real likelihood of a blanket party the next time the Padres hit the road.

I contribute to Padres Public on Thursday mornings and when I’m feeling particularly inspired. I can also be found on twitter at @AvengingJM where I ponder Jason Marquis’ legitimacy, 7 days a week.

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  • Lonnie Brownell

    Can we call him Jumpin’ Jesus now?

    • Andrew Buitron

      lol, I actually like that

    • Lonnie Brownell

      On second thought, some might pronounce that “Humpin’ Hey Zeus”, so maybe not.

  • Justin

    I clearly saw Guzman blatantly smiling in the dugout after the second home run.

    • I almost included pictures of the smiles but I didn’t want to pile on. Plus I’m biased.

  • Arbiter of all outrage

    How dare he. How dare you!

  • rico

    Guzman is a typical san diego jerk, unprofessional, send him to the minors.

    • Drew Tweedie

      There’s plenty of other reasons to send Guzman to the minors besides his alleged jerk nature.

  • BBfan1969

    InSensitive?…How about all of the roided-up homers that the Giant-Headed (figuratively & literally) Barry Bonds would pose for at home plate? Did the opponents throw at him? Rarely

    The Giants are over-sensitive! They openly cheered for the cheater and poser, but can’t take it when an opponent has a little celebration. Stop crying and play baseball!