Grading On A Curve

Yesterday Padres president Mike Dee made his weekly radio appearance with Dan Sileo. Unfortunately, I don’t have the stomach to listen to this decrepit bullshit. Sileo’s not going to ask any difficult questions, his main appeal to Dee, I’m sure.

Fortunately for me, the good guys at Gwynntelligence, Dave Marver and Padres Jagoff, listen to Dee’s interview every week (!!!) so we don’t have to, then tweet the most relevant stuff. This is cool because I imagine listening to Sileo and Dee every week must be like wearing a condom full of pissed off wasps.

Anyway, Dee said something very interesting (or at least as interesting as he can be) when he gave the Padres a C+ letter grade on the season so far.

Hahahahahahahahaha. Holy shit that’s good. The house is on fire, firefighters are delayed by three hours, and every fire hydrant leaks piss, but the upholstery’s still intact! I understand that a high-ranking executive of a major corporation who’s failing miserably and almost assuredly will be the first to get the guillotine has to stay positive, but that’s some tremendous bullshitting.

This got me curious as to what other terrible things Dee gave a C+ to. I did some research and came up with some not so surprising answers. Have a look:

  • Tiananmen Square protests
  • Munich Olympics
  • Spider-Man 3
  • Every Nickelback album
  • California’s drought
  • Trouble with the Curve
  • Ted Cruz’s personality
  • Last episode of Dexter
  • Season 2 of The Wire
  • His hairline
  • Curt Schilling’s Facebook page
  • Mark Sweeny’s analysis
  • Ramsay Bolton’s interrogation techniques
  • Every Adam Sandler movie of the last 10 years
  • Santee
  • Expired molly
  • Jeff Moorad’s tenure
  • Jeff Moorad’s beard
  • Jeff Moorad’s bobblehead
  • Jeff Moorad’s stupid fucking face
  • Ben Affleck’s Batman
  • Jared Leto’s Joker
  • Rabies
  • Mike McCoy’s coaching
  • Flint’s water crisis
  • Stannis Baratheon’s parenting
  • Iran-Contra
  • Mufasa’s murder
  • Dean Spanos’ competency
  • Donald Trump’s humbleness
  • North Korea’s human rights policies
  • San Diego Padres draft history

That’s wild. If you happen to come across something else that Mike Dee would definitely give a C+ to, please feel free drop it in the comments.

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