Cycle! Cycle! Cycle!

If I had to guess I’d say I’ve watched about 75 percent of Padres’ games this season. That’s a lot of Padres baseball, far more than any reasonable person should be allowed to watch. There should be laws that restrict how many Padres games you can watch in one season. Too many will just fuck you up, man.

The Padres played the Rockies yesterday at Coors Field, a deserted pit stop of shame and regret on the road to civilization. I didn’t feel like watching the Padres again, because I mean come on do I really need to explain myself? So I skipped it, opting instead for a night out with a lovely friend. What could I possibly miss in a meaningless August game between a pair of underwhelming teams? Certainly no one’s going to do something crazy like hit four home runs or throw a no-hitter. And there definitely won’t be any cycles, at least not from the Padres.

So I quaff my hair in the douchiest way I know how, then head out. Right around 10-ish I decide to check twitter reeeeaaaaal quick. I never do this because it’s rude and I’m a fucking gentleman. I expect the usual: complaints, sarcasm, bad jokes, good jokes, shit heads, and overall fun banter. Surely nothing important’s happened.

MOTHERFUCKER

I mean, MOTHERFUCKER WHAT????

Yup, a cycle. Of all the fucking nights, Matt Kemp decides to hit for the cycle when I’m not watching. What an asshole. I excuse myself for a moment, high-five a stranger, then fist pump like I just found out I won’t be evicted this month. I start reading through my timeline. There must’ve been dozens of tweets, maybe hundreds, and I loved them all. It was exciting just seeing how much everyone else happy. We don’t get his often, so fuck yeah we’re gonna celebrate it.

I wanted to share my favorite tweets from last night. They’re mostly in chronological order. Fuck yeah cycle!

 

 

 

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  • DaveRiceSD

    My wife appeared a few minutes later to yell at me because she’d slipped and fell in the shower and I was too busy dancing around the living room high-fiving myself to hear her scream…