Beer Comps: Will Venable and Chris Denorfia

On September 12th, 2012 the San Diego Padres extended Chris Denorfia through the 2014 season. They will pay him $2M in 2013

On January 17th, 2013 the San Diego Padres avoided arbitration and came to terms with OF Will Venable: $2.675M for the ’13 season.

On February 2nd, 2013 I bought a 12 pack of New Belgium’s Ranger IPA on sale at Albertson’s for $13.99.

Think about those dollar amounts. On the beer, I mean. That’s really a fantastic price. A six-pack of Sculpin IPA costs more than that for God’s sake. Currently, as someone who is adhering to a strict budget, I must make careful considerations with my discretionary income. These considerations ultimately lead me to the purchase of Ranger IPA, which always gets me to where I want to go and for the right price.

Now Ranger IPA, while sufficient, is not my first choice in beer. I usually try to keep my money local, seeking out the best beers San Diego has to offer. But unfortunately the Ballast Points, Green Flashes, Stones, and Missions of the world don’t come cheap. If I’m willing to slum it with a Colorado brewed beer I can maximize value and still be happy at the end of the day.

Maximizing value and obtaining a sense that everything worked out at the end of the day: it’s what the platoon of Will Venable and Chris Denorfia is really all about. Yes, I am asserting that the Padres have chosen to slum it with a Colorado brewed beer.*

In isolation this plan works (as pointed out by Met on Tuesday). Each hitter does well in their respective RHP/LHP match-up and they come cheap when the alternatives are considered. But we don’t live in a world of isolation. We live in a world where Carlos Quentin WILL get injured, Cameron Maybin slumps, and the opposition will follow a starting RHP with a crafty LHP out of the pen consequently rendering Will Venable useless for inning on end or forcing Bud Black to burn his bench early by going to Denorfia. Of course that’s assuming Deno isn’t already in the game because Carlos Quentin is already serving his requisite stint on the disabled list or Cameron Maybin is already starring in a protracted slump.

But, hey, in isolation it’s palatable. Just like New Belgium’s Ranger IPA.

ABV: 6.5%

Trust me this is all you need to watch this platoon in action. You bump it up a notch over 7.0 % and before you know it you’re banging on your keyboard like a maniac**. Sit back and enjoy it. Enjoy it all.

Calories: 187

Accept that Will Venable will see action against LHP from time to time. Don’t let this fact give you cause to drink all of your Ranger IPA. You will get fat. And drunk. Moderate yourself.

Hops: Chinook, Simcoe, Cascade

This is where the flavor of Ranger IPA comes from: hops. The flavor of our platoon comes from the idea that on any given day we may witness the first cycle in Padres history only to have it thwarted by an unfavorable late-inning match-up.

Body: Medium

The physique of Venorfable/Venorfia/Denorable will allow him to stay healthy and see a lot of action this year. It’s also why you’ll see both of them playing at the same time regardless of the pitching match-up. Moderate yourself. Or you’ll get drunk. And fat.

Aroma: Bursts with an abundance of hops (citrus, floral, and fruity).

Will Venable and Chris Denorfia don’t stink.

Mouthfeel: Bitter and dry hop finish – imbalanced yet sessionable.

You can drink a lot of this platoon. And the cost savings can be reallocated to another part of your life. I wish the Padres would have reallocated their cost savings to some starting pitching.

Flavor: Pale and caramel malts harmonize with hop flavor from start to finish- yet finishes deliciously bitter.

It’ll be seriously bitter by June.

 Visual: Light veil over this amber beauty.

Can someone  create a Venorfable photoshop showcasing the hair. I want Venable with Deno’s flowing locks. Now that’s a hairline to die for.

Will Venable and Chris Denorfia: taste it in 2013

I would like to extend my thanks to the New Belgium Brewing Company for their competitive pricing index and also their website, without which I could not have written such ridiculousness. I know what beer I like. But I can hardly describe it on my own.

Picture 7

 *Suggesting that Will Venable and Chris Denorfia constitute “Craft Beer” is dubious at best. I know this.

** This is where I insert a hyperlink to my vILL weNABLe rants of 2011 after drinking 17 Sculpin IPAs. But I can’t. I lagged on renewing my web domain and past AJM content won’t be available to me for a few days. I guess I shouldn’t have bought the Ranger IPA last week.

I contribute to Padres Public on Thursday mornings and when I’m feeling particularly inspired. I can also be found on twitter at @AvengingJM where I offer bite size chunks of serendipity 7 days a week.

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  • Met

    Way to ruin my optimism with a hard dose of reality. And now I’m thirsty.

  • It’s the Venabeer/Beernorfia platoon.

  • VM David

    I’ve bought a few bottles of beer on faith. Scouting prior releases suggested moderate returns in the near future, with the potential for future greatness. However, due to the scarcity of such items, you are unable to taste the current release before purchase. In a few instances, these beers turned out to be flat, disgusting, or (likely) both.

    Henceforth, I will refer to the remaining bottles of these particular beers as my Kevin Towers draft picks.

    • Donovan Tate = Veritas 008?

      • VM David

        Trying to figure out a comp for that year Cuvee de Tomme was all fucked up.

      • Is Matt Bush too obvious for that one, knowing that they knew it had serious issues ahead of time?

    • Yeah. You should extend this and turn it into a post.

  • You could have saved several hundred words by just saying both the RF platoon and the New Belgium Ranger IPA are similarly underwhelming. Solid pedigree and/or promising tools, disappointing in execution.

  • Now I want to go get some Ranger IPA…

  • SDPads1

    I feel like I’d only like half of the bottle of Ranger IPA because 1 half of it is a total dick.

  • We need to create a real baseball statistic with the acronym IPA.

    • Intentional Pitches Avoided

      • Beats the hell out of International Plate Appearances…which would only be meaningful for AL East teams.

  • GoldenBoy

    Speaking of beer, does anyone in SD make a Bring Back the Brown Ale?

    • VM David

      I plan to!

  • Brilliant comparison. I look forward to reading more in this series.