A Most Successful Partnership

The last post from the Avenging Jack Murphy blog on Padres Public was from me in late June. At the time I was on vacation in Mexico visiting family when the Padres had the fucking nerve to fire Josh Byrnes. I mean, they couldn’t fire him before I left the country? Assholes. My Wi-Fi sucked, and I missed out on the chance to chime in on social media with my all-important opinion.

I still managed to scribble out a few words on Byrnes and why I thought his firing was justified. The opportunity for endless jokes and retweets was lost, however, and my vacation was ruined.

The impact of Byrnes’ firing went far beyond the Padres organization. As you all know, Padres Public had a preeeeeeetty comfortable relationship with the Padres and their front office. They told us shit, like, real important stuff that ordinary peasants would never hear. We got free tickets whenever we wanted, and they even let some us go on TV and be media whores for 15 minutes.

There were many perks to being the team’s mouthpiece, the best of which I’ll keep private (JET SKIS). There was no official contract because LOL we’re fucking bloggers, not lawyers (expect Geoff from Left Coast Bias, but whatever).

Until recently, we’ve been mostly in the dark about important happenings in Padre land. The new front office hadn’t warmed up to us yet. General Manager Atticus Jordan Preller was too busy traveling the country and being a vampire. Was our relationship with the team souring? Were we going to have to start writing critical pieces on the Padres and their fuckery as a whole?

Fear not. Cooler heads prevailed and disaster was avoided. I can confirm that the Padres and Padres Public have come to a mutual agreement and we will remain their mouthpiece for the upcoming season and beyond!

We wised up this time. We hired a lawyer (Geoff, by default) who drew up a nice little contract for us. Among the new benefits we’ll receive: Whiskey Deck priority seating, access to AJ Preller’s laundry, unlimited supply of warm beer, freedom to murder at least one person during The Wave, blue fedoras, blue National University shirts and more.

Not all Padres Public members will receive the same benefits from the team, though. First off, if you don’t actually live in San Diego, you’re pretty much screwed. Second, writing something nice isn’t enough anymore. You have to really get in there and kiss ass.

Other details of the contract still need to be finalized, but it’s pretty safe to say we’ll remain bought for the foreseeable future.

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  • cunnilingus maximus

    What kind of cunt-fuckery is this?

  • VM David

    Oh they take care of us out of towners too, Junior Member.

    • Not on the new contract. It was one of the concessions we had to make.